Posts by Josh Santos
Mayor Castor Video Game Announced for Playstation 5
As part of a new inclusive gaming agenda by Activision, the gaming studio behind the popular Call of Duty franchise has announced a new video game based on the life of Tampa Mayor Jane Castor. “I have been shot at,” said Mayor Castor who previously served as the chief of police for the City of…
Read MoreTampa Mega Church Converts to Scientology
The pastor of Tampa’s largest mega-church has shocked the community by announcing that the church will be converting to Scientology. Pastor Paul White, a fifth-generation Tampa pastor, made the announcement during a sermon last Sunday. “We have been praying and seeking guidance, and we have come to the conclusion that Scientology is the one true…
Read MoreSweet Sixteen Ruined by IPA Release
As 16-year-old Molly Johnson eagerly anticipated her Sweet Sixteen party, she never could have predicted that it would fall on the day that a nearby Tampa Heights brewery would release the highly anticipated Hopfucker Quintuple IPA. “I can’t believe this fucking shit is happening,” Molly said, tears streaming down her face. “My fucking Sweet Sixteen…
Read MoreMayor Castor Look-A-Like Contest Winner Wins Chief of Police Job
After the resignation of the most recent Chief of Police for the Tampa Police Department, Mayor Jane Castor has announced that the winner of a recent Look-a-like contest will be awarded the title of Chief of Police for the TPD. “I’m just a good boy,” said Lenna Delanada and a playful baby voice. Delanada is…
Read MoreSecret Code Words That Force Tampa Cops to Release You
5. Is your camera on? Cops hate it when you ask the first question, so before they can say anything to you, ask if their camera is on and recording. When they hear this simple question, they will know that you are a citizen who knows their rights and they will let you go immediately. …
Read MoreHetero Normative Oxygen Bar Opens in Apollo Beach
In a move that has shocked and outraged many members of the LGBTQ+ community, a new business called the “Hetero Normative Oxygen Bar” has opened its doors in the heart of Apollo Beach. The establishment, which bills itself as a “safe space for straight people,” offers a variety of oxygen-infused air mixtures, each designed to…
Read More2023 Things To Look Forward to This New Year
With the new year in full swing, here is a look at 2023 things to look forward to in the year 2023 I’m gonna be honest when I first pitched this idea to my editor he was all about it, but it took me a long time to write those first 100 ones. I tried…
Read MoreNew Store in Tampa Lets Customers Dig Through Landfill
Shoppers around Tampa Bay are flocking to this trendy open-air market, offering outrageously marked down prices on items people have thrown away. Hotpit is the latest overstock items and returns store to open in Tampa. The store features a football field size staging area where customers are encouraged to rip open trash bags to find…
Read MoreTampa Pastor Accused of Preaching in Drag for Sunday School
To protest the Stop Woke Act aka the “Don’t Say Gay” bill signed by Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, a local Tampa pastor has decided to deliver his sermons under his new drag queen persona. “We’re a pretty unorthodox church,” said Pastor Peaches Wylde, “I was giving all my sermons in drag even before the whole…
Read MoreRon DeSantis Gives Final Campaign Speech in Black Face
In a surprisingly unnecessary move, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis gave his final campaign speech before the midterm elections in black face. “We don’t let the woke liberal mob tell us what we can and can’t do with our bodies here in Florida,” said DeSantis to an electrified audience at the Jewish Community Center of Tampa…
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