Breaking News
Tampa man not falling for broken water main hoax
Biff Crumbler of Tampa is refusing to comply with the citywide boil water advisory issued after a large water main coming out of the David L. Tippin Water Treatment Facility was ruptured yesterday. “How do I know a water main was ruptured? Because the media says so? Yeah, okay”, he said. “I got news for you,…
Read MoreSecond Mysterious Monolith Discovered in Tampa Greyhound Track Parking Lot
In what many are calling a sign of the upcoming apocalypse, Tampa Government officials announced that they have discovered a mysterious metal monolith in the parking lot of the Tampa Greyhound Track (TGT). “We thought this place had been abandoned for decades,” said Dyerhea Juice, senior aerial survey crew member for the Tampa Government. “During…
Read MoreRon DeSantis sends get well wishes to Rick Scott
Following the announcement that Senator Rick Scott has tested positive for having Covid-19, Florida Governor has sent his predecessor a hand-written get well card. “It’s no secret that Rick and I have had our differences,” said DeSantis. “But President Trump is always reminding me that he’s a colleague and a good fellow Republican, so I…
Read MoreNational Weather Service hires Kevin Cash to deal with Tropical Storm Eta
“Oh yeah, I know exactly what to do here. I got this.” – Tampa Bay Rays manager Kevin Cash
Read MoreGiuliani holds Ritz Carlton press conference in Tampa
“Well, now I’m really confused”, said Giuliani.
Read MoreNo News Today – come back tomorrow
Hey everybody. We took a look at what’s going on in the world and figured the odds of anything significant happening today are pretty slim, so we’re taking the rest of the day off. Enjoy this boring, completely uneventful Saturday, November 7th, 2020, and we’ll see you tomorrow!
Read MoreBallots found in Metropolitan Ministries clothing donation box
“Technically this is not a mailbox or anything associated with the US postal service.” Said Jessica Umpting, head postmaster at the Ashburry Farms Postal Center.
Read MoreObese turtle offended by Anderson Cooper’s comments
A turtle who lives in the retention pond at the Grande Oasis at Carrollwood apartment complex off Himes Avenue in Tampa is deeply insulted by remarks offered by CNN’s Anderson Cooper following a press conference from President Donald Trump earlier this evening. “That is the president of the United States,” Cooper said. “That is the…
Read MoreTrump Declares Victory in Florida, Nation
It‘s Election Day, November 3 2020, and it’s the culmination of one of the most important elections in American History. The race features incumbent President Donald Trump vs. the Democratic nominee for President Joe Biden in a tight contest for the White House. A record number of Americans have already voted, with millions more planning…
Read MoreFlorida’s COVID-19 dashboard now advertises Publix sandwich deals instead of case numbers
In a shocking announcement this afternoon, Governor Ron DeSantis, held a press conference to inform citizens that the Department of Health (DoH) would be “tracking when our beloved Publix subs are on sale,” he put on his mask and whispered quietly, “instead of when people die.” Since the beginning of the pandemic, Florida’s COVID-19 dashboard…
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