Health
Man who stopped jerking off for three days cures cancer
“I masturbate pretty much every single day, as do most guys,” said Stream. “But I decided, shit, I got the Coronavirus, maybe I should cool it down on the self pleasure for a little bit.”
Read MoreTampa General Hospital to introduce new discount medical services wing
Hillsborough County’s own Tampa General Hospital has unveiled a plan to open a discount medical services wing by this summer in an effort to help lower income citizens and cheapskates alike.
Read MoreGoths, stoners, and doomsday preppers donate gas masks to fight Coronavirus
Three disparate groups banded together to donate their unused gas masks and time in an attempt to save lives.
Read MoreTampa becomes first city to legalize crack
In a groundbreaking move by local government, rock-cocaine, is now legal throughout the Tampa city limits. With this motion, Tampa becomes the first city in Florida, and the first city in the United States, to legalize the illicit substance. “We analyzed the data we were given regarding public health in correlation to drug use and…
Read MoreStudy proves time moves slower in Florida
Through a decade-long study, a Nobel prize winning quantum physicist has produced results proving that people in Florida are affected by time differently than everyone else in the country. The study focused on two identical twins, one who lived in Tampa, and the other who lived in New York. After close surveillance for ten years,…
Read MoreBay area teen has own reasons for hating Greta Thunberg
Chelsea Kuubler, a 16-year-old in Dunedin, hates environmental activist Greta Thunberg, but not for the same reasons that many people have for disliking the Swedish teenager. “I’m sick of all the attention my dad pays to her,” says Chelsea. “She’s all he ever talks about. Well, he mostly yells about her, but at least he…
Read MoreAlcoholism voted best disease In America
There are a lot of diseases in the world, and a lot of them suck. However, Alcoholism is the best one. Reason being is alcoholism is the only disease where you get to drink booze all the time. John Jacobs, co-founder of Tampa News Force, had this to say: “I don’t drink often, but when…
Read MoreTampa man scared by own internal sick thoughts
Henreich Von Pluto, local resident of Seminole Heights, has recently been suffering from his own uncontrollable negative thoughts, according to a report from Pluto’s public relations team. “He’s become paralyzed with his own thoughts.” Reads the statement, which was released on all of Pluto’s social media. “His inner turmoil has reached new peaks every waking…
Read MoreFlorida Georgia Line sponsors abortion cruise
Country band Florida Georgia Line is sponsoring an upcoming cruise leaving out of the Channelside port with the focus of the cruise being a free abortion clinic that will be running throughout the vacation. The band partnered up with CostCo as part of a new “freedom of choice” campaign, where women can board the cruise…
Read MoreBest places to have sex in Tampa
The vagina This is one of the best places you can have sex in Tampa. Vaginas were meant for sex and reproduction, so when it comes to traditional-style sex, this is going to be your go to. Butthole It’s close to the vagina, and from what I’ve been told, it’s just as tight, if not…
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