Science
NASA launches Nazi propaganda
Nasa launched a rocket full of Nazi propaganda this morning, sending the former German government articles into the depths of space. “Normally we would just burn or shred this kind of material, but due to climate change we can’t risk putting any more carbon fumes into our atmosphere or filling a landfill with this problematic…
Read MoreDeSantis dedicates new science facility at USF
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis visited the Tampa campus of the University of South Florida to attend the dedication ceremony for the new Dennis Nedry Science Center. “Here’s a man who dedicated his life to science, a true innovator in the fields of computer programming, cyber security and shaving cream containers, who never lost sight of…
Read MoreWuhan Lab Discovered in Tampa
A group of high school kids wandering around an abandoned building in Hillsborough County accidentally stumbled upon what experts believe is the Wuhan lab where Covid-19 originated from. “All the windows were broken and there was a lot of trash everywhere,” said Miguel Mercedes, a junior at Strawberry Crest High School in Plant City. “After…
Read MoreConsequences of Piney Point debacle beginning to manifest
Following the authorization by Florida Department of Environmental Protection officials to release roughly 215 million gallons of wastewater from the Piney Point facility in Manatee County as an emergency response to a leak in a containment pond liner back on March 31, the first negative repercussions are beginning to show up in the form of…
Read MoreBrooksville doctor establishes link between diabetes and racism
A general practitioner in Brooksville has proven that there is a direct link between diabetes and racism. The theory of the two conditions possibly being related came to light last week when a high school basketball broadcaster in Oklahoma referred to the Norman High School girls basketball team kneeling during the national anthem prior to…
Read MoreTampa man helping to develop new identification system
Bradley Beardsley, a software engineer in Tampa, is aiding the FBI and other law enforcement agencies in creating a new means of identifying people. “Everyone is familiar with facial recognition software but that technology has been largely negated by the wearing of face coverings in the age of COVID”, he said. “Even places like banks…
Read MoreMentally challenged man lifts train
“I used my retard strength.” Said Reggie Tardo, a Ruskin man who wandered onto Tesla’s hyper loop track and lifted a train. “Retard is a word I made by combining my names Reggie and Tardo, have you ever heard that before?” Tardo asked me. “No.” I said, lying. The official police report states that Reggie…
Read MoreResearch determines Ybor’s 7th Avenue comprised mostly of bodily fluids
An exhaustive study by research scientists and grad students from the University of South Florida has determined that 7th Avenue (La Septima), Ybor City’s main thoroughfare, is made up mostly of bodily fluids. “To be clear, we’re talking about the physical make-up of the street itself”, says Margot Hydrocloset, lead USF researcher from her team’s…
Read MoreBirds begin evolving back into dinosaurs
“The only reason we’re not still running this place is because of that comet that struck the planet and devastated the population and now we’re much smaller and less intimidating. In your case, everything is messed up as a direct result of your own thoughtless and selfish actions.”
Read MoreCarrollwood man just really wants to eat dog food
Brandon Salazar of Carrollwood has wanted his not-quite-secret desire to eat dog food to be socially acceptable for a long time and believes that increasingly desperate attempts to deal with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic might finally make that possible. “Hear me out; dogs can’t get The ‘Rona, right? And what do dogs eat? Dog food,”…
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