Tampa Zoo to replace all animals with painted strippers

Lowry Park Area – Hillsborough County – Friday, 2.23.2019 In an effort to bring in more millennials, the Tampa Zoo has decided to replace all of its animals with painted strippers. “We’ve tried every single thing we could, but for some reason the only people who want to come here are kids and their parents,” […]

Pope Cancels Trip to Tampa Citing “Lack of Prayer”

Vatican – Italy – Tuesday, 2.12.2019 The Pope was set to arrive in Tampa this Friday, however he suddenly cancelled the trip citing “lack of prayer.”  “They don’t pray enough,” said the pope as he finished washing a peasant’s feet. “There are many good people in Tampa. Many God-fearing, wholesome individuals in Tampa, yes.” He […]

Virgin Mary Spotted in Strippers Asshole

Mons Venus – Tampa – Thursday, 2.7.2019 What some are calling “a miracle” took place last weekend when a portrait of the Virgin Mary presented itself in the form of a stripper’s asshole at the Mons Venus on Dale Mabry. “I was putting my money on the counter, nothing big, just ones to try and…