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Man turns Jewish after drinking from Hillsborough River

New Jew

Tinsley Jordan, a Wisconsin man who was visiting Tampa on vacation by himself, has reportedly turned Jewish after drinking water from the Hillsborough River. The river, which is not supposed to be consumed by humans due to pollution, has no previous history of changing anyones race or religion, however, it is documented on a security…

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Tampa Mega Church Converts to Scientology

Tampa Megachurch

The pastor of Tampa’s largest mega-church has shocked the community by announcing that the church will be converting to Scientology. Pastor Paul White, a fifth-generation Tampa pastor, made the announcement during a sermon last Sunday. “We have been praying and seeking guidance, and we have come to the conclusion that Scientology is the one true…

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Which religion is the best? Deities ranked


Yea, nice try. I’m not writing this. You think I’m crazy enough to put all religions in an order from best to worst? You’d have to be out of your mind. That’s too risky and dangerous. Which says a lot about religions that they can’t take being satirized. They can say they are, but they…

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Atheism rises among Tampa residents who still don’t have power

The lack of faith in God has swept a sizable amount of Tampan’s this week as Hurricane Ian has still left thousands without electricity. “There’s just no way that God would let Freddie’s family have power and not mine.” Said Walter Winston, father of 18 in Pinellas County.  “That guys a jackass, I’m a good…

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Angry God expected to rain out minor league baseball game

God, the revered, reviled, feared, ineffable, unpredictable and misunderstood supreme Christian deity, is very angry that the Tampa Tarpons have a female manager, according to a self-appointed human spokesperson.  “The Almighty takes a dim view of this kind of abomination,” said Delores Shtiffy of Seffner, referring to Rachel Balkovec, the first female manager in the…

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Chick-fil-A Rumspringa continues and concludes today


Today is the final day of a little-known rite of passage for Chik-fil-A employees: Chick-fil-A Rumspringa. “It’s rare when Christmas falls on a Saturday. This year is the first time it’s happened since 2010 and the next time will be in 2024. Since we’re closed that day as we are every Sunday, we allow our…

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Top 5 Fastest ways to Hell

Welcome to Hell

Most religions describe a place you end up if you don’t live accordingly. That place is usually described as filled with pain and eternal suffering. While some think that place may be metaphorical, it’s up to the the individual to decide what they put their faith in. Today we’re going to countdown the 5 quickest…

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Creepy youth pastor lurking around Ybor confused with Matt Gaetz

This is not Matt Gaetz

A pastor for a new youth ministry cult east of Tampa has been spotted walking around Ybor City, and many people have mistakenly assumed he is Matt Gaetz, the U.S. representative for Florida’s 1st congressional district. “Matt Gaetz? Ha ha, no that’s not me. I’m Pastor Keith and I just want to hip the kids…

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Clearwater man forms new cult

New Cult

Rory Fulmp of Clearwater is scrambling to put a new cult together prior to the winter solstice on December 21. “When I found out that the Great Conjunction with Jupiter and Saturn, something that hasn’t happened in over 800 years will take place on the date of the Winter Solstice in this of all years,…

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