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Abortion clinic shooter wins GOP primary

Abortion shooter

Timothy Edelstein, who was arrested for committing a mass shooting at an abortion clinic, was named the winner of a secret preliminary primary for the GOP. “He hates abortions, he loves guns, he really checks all the boxes.” Said Hanz Prinzman, the secret shadow-GOP government leader. “What about the fact that he murdered people and…

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Abortion bar opens in Seminole Heights

Abortion Bar

A new establishment in South Seminole Heights named “Suckers” has opened, touting its option for woman to receive an abortion while they have a drink at the bar. “The ladies sit right at the counter, and while they enjoy one of our fresh squeezed alcoholic daiquiris, below the counter we have certified medical professionals sucking…

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New Florida Abortion Law to Include Exemptions for Wealthy Residents

De Baby

Following in the footsteps of the Texas law banning abortions after the detection of a fetal “heartbeat”, Florida lawmakers today unveiled similar legislation that restricts access to abortions after 6-weeks unless the abortion recipient comes from a wealthy family. “This law will protect unborn children who require a chance at life!” Screamed Janet Blandy, a…

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