Posts Tagged ‘governor desantis’
DeSantis glad that lent is finally over
With tomorrow being Good Friday, heading into the Easter weekend, today marks the end of lent, the 40-days beginning with Ash Wednesday during which many Christians observe a period of fasting, repentance, moderation, self-denial, And few are more relieved that it’s ending than Florida governor Ron DeSantis who abstained from using the N-word. “I can…
Read MoreDeSantis DeNounces ‘Woke Baseball Classic’, Declares USA Winner
Last night in Miami, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis issued a proclamation honoring the team representing the United States in the recently completed World Baseball Classic as the rightful winners of the global tournament. “I don’t care what the scoreboard said, baseball is America’s game, America is number one and America is the winner,” he said,…
Read MoreDeSantis has new favorite comic strip
Florida governor Ron DeSantis recently discovered the syndicated comic strip ‘Dilbert’, and it has immediately become his favorite. “It’s just so funny! Look at him, with his tie flipping upward. Whose tie does that? Not mine, that’s for sure. Dilbert’s, that’s who! Ha ha ha!” he said, reiterating that he thinks the strip is funny.…
Read MoreDeSantis marked safe from February
Top Florida State security officials have confirmed that Governor Ron DeSantis has survived the month of February, also known as “Black History Month”, unscathed. “There are still a few hours left, but we’re pretty sure he’ll make it,” said Florida State Police spokesperson Lou Scannon. “The odds of him being exposed to any references to…
Read MoreDeSantis Announces Teen Menstrual Blood Collection Program
In an effort to ban trans youth from playing school sports, teen girls will now be forced to personally supply Florida Governor Ron DeSantis with a vial of menstrual blood every month. “It’s the only way to make sure that no chicks with dicks are taking advantage of the sacred pastime that is school sports,”…
Read MoreDeSantis bans February
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will now be 45 days long and will be known as Janmaxuary and March will also be 45 days and shall be referred to as MarchUltra,” the Governor declared. “All the…
Read MoreRon DeSantis sucks d**k to prove he’s not gay
Governor Ron Desantis has made headlines again after publicly giving a blow job to a man during his last press conference to, “prove once and for all, that I’m not gay.” After relentless cyber-bullying, accusing the Governor of being gay, DeSantis decided to take matters into his own hands by bringing a male sex-worker to…
Read MoreDeSantis places restrictions on Kate Bush music
Due to being featured prominently in the popular Netflix series Stranger Things, the Kate Bush Song “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God),” originally released in 1985, is a chart-topping hit again. “Yeah, and I’m sick of it,” said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “Damn song is everywhere, all the time.” For that reason, among…
Read MoreTampa News Force acquires naming rights to former Outback Bowl
The annual New Year’s Day college bowl game played at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, formerly known as the Outback Bowl, has a new name: the Tampa News Force Gay Pride Logo College Football Bowl. Bowl officials announced the four-year agreement Thursday afternoon during a ceremony at the Sunoco Station at the corner of Nebraska…
Read MoreDeSantis unlocks another achievement on way to Tyrant Master Badge
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took another huge step forward in his quest to earn the somewhat coveted Tyrant Master Badge by threatening the Special Olympics with $27 million in fines for 5,500 violations of state law for requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for attendees or participants. The Special Olympics dropped the restriction and released a…
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