Posts Tagged ‘Rays’
Tampa Bay Rays to Trade Blake Snell for World-Renowned Belly Itcher
In a startling turn of events, the management of the Tampa Bay Rays has decided to trade away their star pitcher from last season, Blake Snell, 28. In return, fans can expect to see a new starting player, Mikey O’Leary, a wily upstart from an unnamed farm team out of Dubuque, Iowa. When asked if…
Read MoreRays also lose World Series in parallel universe
The Tampa Bay Rays lost 3-1 to the Brooklyn Dodgers in Game 6 of the alternate 2020 World Series, ending their bid for an otherworld championship in Blixxarp-7, a hypothetical self-contained plane of existence, co-existing with our own. In Blixxarp-7, events and objects closely mirror those that we consider to be reality in this dimension,…
Read MoreKevin Cash admits why he removed Blake Snell from the World Series
Tampa Bay Rays manager Kevin Cash finally admitted why he removed starting pitcher Blake Snell after giving up just two hits through five and a third innings in the ultimately decisive Game 6 of the World Series against the eventual champions, the Los Angeles Dodgers. Cash said, “I misunderstood the format of the World Series.…
Read MoreRays manager Kevin Cash ruins everyone’s life
The Los Angeles Dodgers beat the Tampa Bay Rays 3-1 in Game 6 of the 2020 World Series in Arlington, Texas, to win their first championship since 1988 and depriving the Tampa Bay region of their first sports championship since September. All because Rays manager Kevin Cash pulled starting pitcher Blake Snell after five and…
Read MoreTNF 2020 World Series preview: Rays-Dodgers
The 2020 World Series between the Tampa Bay Rays and Los Angeles Dodgers begins tonight at 8:09pm, with all games scheduled to be played at the home of the Texas Rangers, Globe Life Park in Arlington, Texas, due to COVID-19, making this the first World Series in history to be played at a neutral site.…
Read MoreStingray that killed Steve Irwin gets job at Stingray Chevrolet
The giant stingray that killed Steve Irwin, the beloved Australian zookeeper, television personality, wildlife expert, environmentalist, and conservationist has been hired as a sales associate at Stingray Chevrolet in Plant City. The cartilaginous fish known scientifically as “Myliobatoidei” was wearing a nametag reading “Norman” and talked to Tampa News Force on his first day at…
Read MoreTampa Bay Area Yankees fans begin annual transition
The Tampa Bay Rays beat the New York Yankees 2-1 Friday night in San Diego to advance to the American League Championship where they’ll face the Houston Astros. The game was tied 1-1 until Mike Brosseau hit a solo home run off cheap-shot artist, wife beater and certified all-around shithead Aroldis Chapman in the bottom…
Read MoreRays accidentally play NBA game
After accidentally arriving at the wrong location in Orlando, the Tampa Bay Rays played a full NBA game against the Oklahoma City Thunder. What was nothing more than a miscommunication between the bus driver and the event coordinator, instead of going to the Disney World Magical Kingdom theme park, the driver went to the Disney…
Read MoreTampa Bay Rays Forced to Limit Seating Capacity to 150%
The Tampa Bay Rays had a unit of sunshine cast upon them in the form of good news. With the fate of the entire baseball season in doubt amid negotiations between the millionaire players and billionaire owners, The MLB and MLB Players Association have dugout an agreement. Despite heated arguments, a worldwide pandemic, and their…
Read MoreFlorida Aquarium to become new home of the Rays
In a landmark deal, the Rays Touch Tank stingrays will be moving out of Tropicana Field and will now be housed at the Channelside Florida Aquarium. “These stingrays haven’t seen actual sunlight in years,” said Rays owner Stu Sternberg. “Within the next few years, you are all going to be seeing less and less of…
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