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Tampa police unveil new cum sniffing dog

Cum Sniffing Dog

The TPD have welcomed a new cum sniffing dog named Clyde to the force, who is the first of a new breed of a dog specifically raised to smell cum. “Sex criminals leave semen and usually it’s hard to find, but now not only can dogs sniff it out, but they can identify who’s semen…

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USF offering new degree programs

USF Grad

In light of criticism over student loan forgiveness, the University of South Florida (USF) is offering degrees in a variety of new fields. “Many people have expressed concern over our curriculum, specifically that young people are enrolling here at USF to seek frivolous educations in order to escape so-called real-world responsibilities like being poor and…

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Cheese Challenged baby in Tampa retains legal counsel

Cheese Challenged

Three-year-old Chase Champlain of Tampa has hired a lawyer in order to sue his parents for physical and emotional damage he suffered in 2019 as a result of the ‘Cheese Challenge’ social media trend. “I had to suffer with this in silence for a long time because I couldn’t talk,” Chamberlain said. “Now that my…

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JD Power ranks Tampa Number One in human trafficking

JD Power

The city of Tampa has been officially ranked as the number one city in the world for human trafficking by JD Power. Not J.D. Power & Associates, the highly acclaimed American consumer research, data, and analytics firm, but this guy standing outside the Wawa at 1760 W. Hillsborough Avenue yesterday morning who said his name…

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WUSF fills slot formerly occupied by ”All Night Jazz”

Following radio station WUSF’s decision to end the popular “All Night Jazz” program, which was a staple on the station for 56 years, many longtime listeners were worried that it would be replaced with easy listening music. “Ha ha ha! That’s not the case at all,” said WUSF General Manager JoAnn Urofsky. “Quite the opposite,…

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Secret society member almost gets in trouble

Wealthy

A rookie TPD officer is making headlines after processing Jeremiah Rothsfather, a well known high-ranking member of a wealthy, elite, powerful, secret organization. “What a rookie idiot, he had no clue!” Laughed officer Perry Ramirez, partner of the rookie officer who has asked to remain unnamed due to impending doom. “He’s going to be whacked…

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Country club turns back into slave plantation

Plantation Owner

Oldsmar Country Club has officially turned back into a slave plantation after the board of directors voted to make the change. “I mean, come on.” Said Norton Bradbury, President of Oldsmar Country Club. “It’s basically a plantation already, we’re just going to re-instill slavery. Is that so wrong?” Shrugged Bradbury. “Sure, it’s illegal, but who…

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