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Scientists predict by 2030 all news will be fake

NewNews

Based off current trends, scientists have made a prediction that by the year 2030, all news will be considered fake in one way or another. “Fake in the sense that, it will revolve around some trivial topic like a celebrity or a food recipe and not actually be relevant to society.” Said Dennis Bird, lead…

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Guy forgets headline, publishes article anyway

Lost Headline

I also forgot the article too. My boss is going to have his way with me when he sees this. But screw it, I don’t care anymore. What’s he going to do, fire me? He has nobody else! Literally! I look up and down my hallway and every office has cleared out! It’s me, the…

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Scientist proves that the universe is effectively meaningless

Meaningless

Professor Brett Powers, an astrophysicist currently teaching at Brown University has published a series of findings which have virtually rendered the universe meaningless, and humanity as, “inconsequential.” The papers follow various people’s daily lives and conduct surveys of their moods and how actions affect their realities and the world around them. After a 3-year study…

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Babies #MeToo politicians who kissed them

Baby Me Too

A group of babies led by one child prodigy who is able to speak and communicate with other babies despite being only 3 months old, have begun cancelling the politicians who have kissed them against their will at campaign rallies. “Just because our parents have held us out towards the politicians does not imply consent.”…

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Temple Terrace youth promotes demonstrably false theory about source of fudge production to younger sibling

Boys being boys

Cayden Kizzler, a 7-year-old in Temple Terrace is the unfortunate victim of a malicious misinformation campaign by his 14-year-old brother Chet. Temple Terrace public health authorities were quick to respond, issuing the following statement: “Around the corner, aka your butthole, is NOT, in fact, where fudge is made. DO NOT under any condition eat ANY…

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DeSantis bans all foreign journalists who come from countries that start with the letter K

DePantsis

In an effort to avoid potentially embarrassing situations like Rudy Giuliani’s appearance in the new Borat film, Florida governor Ron DeSantis is enacting an immediate emergency ban on all foreign journalists coming to the state of Florida from countries whose names begin with the letter K. “Foreign operatives interfering with our democratic process are a…

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Tampa Man Only Gets His News From Satire Magazines

Tampa New Force fan and avid reader, Will Green, refuses to consume mainstream media. For the last 5 years, his news has exclusively come from TNF, but also sometimes The Onion.  “I just don’t buy into the lizard people’s narrative anymore. Satire is for the people.” Green explains he can no longer relate to mainstream…

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Oxford Exchange offers free coffee if you show your boobs

Oxford Exchange to give free coffee to guest who show their boobs

Oxford Exchange – Hillsborough County – 7.26.19 The Oxford Exchange is now offering a free small cup of coffee to anyone who shows their breasts. As part of a promotion for national breast health awareness month, the community dining co-op will now allow patrons the opportunity to present their mammaries in exchange for a gratis…

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