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An incredible, $pecial opportunity for Mr. Elon Musk

Elon Musk

Dear Mr. Elon Musk, Hi. How are you? We are Tampa News Force and we have been following recent news reports that you are interested in purchasing Twitter for $43,000,000,000.00. We think that’s a fantastic idea! The only thing better than being prolific on a popular social media platform is owning a popular social media…

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Mentally challenged CEO makes expensive mistake

Dumb Exec

Bourbon Grandelson, CEO and co-founder of Newton’s Bulges, a company which increases the size of a mans bulge in his pants through a plastic shield technology, has committed a costly accident after accidentally ordering 15,000 units of a bulge model made from the wrong material. “I was supposed to order the standard molten plastic with…

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St. Pete woman convinced she has direct influence on local economy

Economy

Denise Bazugas of St. Petersburg firmly believes that her spending habits have a noticeable and measurable impact on local businesses. “‘Get Woke, Go Broke’ is an economic principle I believe in and support,” she said. “If you put a rainbow-colored ‘BLM’ sticker on your front window, I will not patronize your establishment and you will…

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Betty White’s corpse featured at Dinosaur World

Betty at Dino World

Dinosaur World in Plant City has gotten a new attraction, as the corpse of former actress Betty White has been stuffed and prominently featured amongst the dinosaurs at Dinosaur World. “Well it was actually a case of a Storage-Wars-style interaction gone awry, as we were originally betting on an unopened storage unit, however the coffin…

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Fart Jar Store Opens in Hyde Park

Shopkeeper

To cater to wealthy patrons in the Hyde Park area of South Tampa, one business owner has decided to switch gears on their business plan. “We originally only sold decorative paper products and supplies,” said Gas Source owner, Wallen McFarfellow.  “I was tired of having to buy all this stuff to sell at a markup…

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Why slots are an elite addictive form of gambling

Slots

Slots are the best form of gambling. That’s been determined long ago with the Big Bang theory. Random things happen, big and small, and everything on earth is left up to chance. Slot machines are random. Stacked against you. Just like the world. All you have is your luck and faith. “It will hit. It…

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Gators to Build Casino on Preservation Land

Gator Casino

Citing the fact that they have been around since before the US government was formed, a coalition of alligators have announced their plans to open one of the most lawless casinos in Florida. “GRRHHHHHHH,” grumbled one of the hungry-looking alligators during a recent press conference. Along with every kind of regular gambling that is currently…

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