Search results for: boost mobile
Tampa man can’t shake nagging feeling he’s forgotten something
A sales associate for Boost Mobile in Tampa is positive he’s forgotten something important pertaining to Christmas, but hasn’t been able to figure out what it might be. “It’s driving me crazy”, Joe Banjoe said, sitting alone at Hattrick’s in downtown Tampa. “I just can’t put my finger on what it is.” “I don’t think…
Read MoreClearwater man forms new cult
Rory Fulmp of Clearwater is scrambling to put a new cult together prior to the winter solstice on December 21. “When I found out that the Great Conjunction with Jupiter and Saturn, something that hasn’t happened in over 800 years will take place on the date of the Winter Solstice in this of all years,…
Read MoreBootleg Gasparilla event names grand marshal
Larry Kippers of Tampa Heights, known as “That guy that walks around picking up dog poop even though he doesn’t own a dog” will serve as the grand marshal for the 2020 Totally Not Affiliated With Gasparilla Boost Mobile Pirate Festival. “Each year, Ye Mystic Krewe of the Sunoco Station at the corner of Nebraska…
Read MoreVipers draft some guy
The Tampa Bay Vipers have selected Jim Wishborough with their first pick in the new XFL’s inaugural amateur draft. Wishborough is 5’8”, 265 lbs. and is a 56-year-old sales associate with Boost Mobile. “I guess I’m honored, but mostly, I’m really confused,” said Wishborough. We reached out for a comment on his lunch break at…
Read MoreTampa Bay Vipers prepare for upcoming inaugural season by downloading Jock Jamz playlist
Tampa Bay’s newly christened team in the re-launched XFL, the Vipers, is preparing for the launch of their inaugural season in February of 2020 by making a playlist of songs commonly played at sporting events. “Let’s be honest; the biggest challenge we face is establishing ourselves as a viable, legitimate professional sports franchise that the…
Read MoreHuman Traffickers Copy Successful Scooter Business Model
Downtown Tampa – Hillsborough County – Sunday, 6.23.19 In a move that should surprise no one, the business model employed behind the wildly popular downtown scooters is being adapted by another industry: human trafficking. “We’re obviously very excited,” said an obviously very excited Leopoldo Vbertz, corporate spokesman for People Movers (not to be confused with…
Read MoreStraz’s Post-Election Party 70% More Fun Than Castor’s
Wright’s Gourmet House – Hillsborough County – Wednesday 4.24.2019 In spite of losing the Tampa mayoral run off election by a staggering margin, David Straz’s post-election party was still more fun than the soirée thrown by winner Jane Castor. “I’m a bajilionaire! Did you think we weren’t going to party tonight, no matter what?” asked…
Read MoreIndependent Media Outlet Totally Not Owned by Millionaire, Endorses STRAZ for Mayor
Tampa News Force (TNF), which was not recently purchased by an unnamed local millionaire following a clandestine meeting that probably didn’t even take place behind the Boost Mobile store, has endorsed David Straz for mayor of Tampa and whatever else he wants to do beyond that. “Strazzy is just the best,” said TNF founding member,…
Read MoreCan you chain smoke a bong?
CBD Game Cafe – Pinellas County – Saturday, 4.6.2019 The question of ‘can you chain smoke a bong?’ is finally being answered in the living room of a local mans house in Saint Petersburg. “My friends don’t think it’s possible,” said Ray Martinez, 26, who owns his own one-bedroom home. “I tell them it is…
Read MoreSeagulls spotted inland interpreted as sign of impending apocalypse
Plant City – Hillsborough County – Sunday 3.24.2019 A seagull spotted scavenging for food scraps in Plant City has caused a local church to declare that the end of the world is imminent. “Surely this is prophecy and the end is finally nigh,” says Anita Haymaker, a member of Plant City’s New Order of the…
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