Posts Tagged ‘2020’
Everything officially better today than it was yesterday
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has declared that every problem that people dealt with in 2020 is a thing of the past and no longer a factor on any level. “2020 is over. That’s an indisputable fact”, he said over a mimosa at a media breakfast at the First Watch on Henderson Boulevard in South Tampa…
Read MorePublic stoning of psychics scheduled for today
A public stoning of all psychics, as well as all fortune tellers, mediums, clairvoyants, palm readers and soothsayers will take place later this afternoon and evening in Brooksville. “It’s not because we fear their supernatural prowess”, says event organizers Bartholomew Balthazar. “Quite the opposite, actually. We’re frustrated with their complete lack of any kind of…
Read MoreRays capture AL pennant; will face (insert TBA team name here) in World Series!
The Tampa Bay Rays beat the Houston Astros 4-2 in Game 7 of the 2020 American League Championship Series tonight in San Diego, California, to earn the second World Series berth in franchise history. I asked Rays outfielder and ALCS Most Valuable Player Randy Arozarena if the Rays were inspired to greatness by playing in…
Read MoreRick Scott Announces Best Friend, Rick Sock
While praising the GOP for officially announcing that the Republican National Convention (RNC) will be held in Jacksonville, FL, Florida Senator Rick Scott announced his mysterious best friend will be joining him at the convention. “When I arrived in D.C., I was sad I wouldn’t get to see my best friend who actually lives in…
Read MoreCastor blames cold weather for bad mood
After numerous questions from local journalists badgering Mayor Castor as to why the collective feeling of the city has been so low recently, Castor had no choice but to answer as politically as possible.
Read MoreBay Area psychic predicts “more of the same” in 2020
The Amazing Desdamona, widely considered Tampa Bay’s most accurate psychic, has predicted that the year 2020 will be very similar to the year 2019. “It’s going to be a very good year for some people, mostly people who had a very good year last year. Also same thing for people who had a bad 2019;…
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