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Everything officially better today than it was yesterday

New Year, same ol' Ron

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has declared that every problem that people dealt with in 2020 is a thing of the past and no longer a factor on any level. “2020 is over. That’s an indisputable fact”, he said over a mimosa at a media breakfast at the First Watch on Henderson Boulevard in South Tampa…

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Public stoning of psychics scheduled for today

A public stoning of all psychics, as well as all fortune tellers, mediums, clairvoyants, palm readers and soothsayers will take place later this afternoon and evening in Brooksville. “It’s not because we fear their supernatural prowess”, says event organizers Bartholomew Balthazar. “Quite the opposite, actually. We’re frustrated with their complete lack of any kind of…

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Rick Scott Announces Best Friend, Rick Sock

Rick Scott and His Best Friend Rick Sock

While praising the GOP for officially announcing that the Republican National Convention (RNC) will be held in Jacksonville, FL, Florida Senator Rick Scott announced his mysterious best friend will be joining him at the convention. “When I arrived in D.C., I was sad I wouldn’t get to see my best friend who actually lives in…

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Bay Area psychic predicts “more of the same” in 2020

The Amazing Desdamona, widely considered Tampa Bay’s most accurate psychic, has predicted that the year 2020 will be very similar to the year 2019. “It’s going to be a very good year for some people, mostly people who had a very good year last year. Also same thing for people who had a bad 2019;…

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