Posts Tagged ‘covid 19’
Tampa man returns to work to find disgusting ‘fridge
Roy McMallard, an employee with International Product Distribution, Inc., in Tampa returned to work in the company’s offices for the first time since March of 2020 and was disgusted by the state of the breakroom’s refrigerator. “I’ve been working from home since COVID hit back in 2020 and that was pretty great, but there are…
Read MoreDeSantis victory tour among events not getting cancelled in spite of rise in COVID cases
With reported cases of COVID-19 more than doubling in the state of Florida last week, speculation is rising that the return of certain preventative restrictions might be necessary and imminent. Regardless, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said that one event that will definitely not be postponed or cancelled is his self-congratulatory victory tour. “I did it,…
Read MoreTampa man fired for operating fantasy sports league in workplace
Fuad Tyson, a shift supervisor at Ted’s Tendies, a food processing plant in Tampa specializing in chicken parts, has been fired for betting on how many workers would contract COVID-19 at his job. “It was just spontaneous fun and intended to boost morale,” said Tyson. “Excuse me for trying to make the drudgery of being…
Read MoreMan’s face shield makes dozens sick at Tampa Publix
Hillsborough County health officials have determined that Instacart shopper Matt Spuiz is responsible for making several people shopping for groceries at the Publix on West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa violently ill, in spite of wearing a face shield. “It’s because of the face shield, not in spite of it”, said Dr. Meghan Hammerstein. “Speaking strictly…
Read MoreFood critic with COVID trashes Seminole Heights eatery for bland food
Randy Glidwad, the restaurant critic for the completely unknown-yet-relatively popular local blog “RandEatz” was recently diagnosed with COVID-19 but that hasn’t stopped him from continuing to review local eateries, including a savage one-star takedown of a popular spot in Seminole Heights. “Every single item I tried tasted exactly the same; like nothing”, he said in…
Read MoreCOVID test numbers expected to plummet to record lows in Tampa this weekend
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is reporting that projections indicate that there will be zero positive COVID-19 test results from Tampa between now and the end of the Christmas weekend, which he is giddily touting as a Christmas Miracle. “It’s a Christmas Miracle!”, he touted giddily at a hastily arranged press conference on Dale Mabry Highway,…
Read MoreCity of St. Pete introduces mobile vaccine distribution unit
As the country prepares for the distribution of a COVID-19 vaccine, St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman, has come up with a creative way to get the treatment out locally. “Some people are vehemently opposed to getting the vaccine and that’s an issue. But nobody is opposed to food trucks”, he said. “People love those stupid…
Read MoreCOVID-19 cure found in microwaved urine
Langsley Newton of Deltona Lakes, Florida has discovered that after a diet of microwaved urine for two weeks, ze is no longer infected with the Covid-19 Coronavirus. Doctors attribute the desecration of the disease to the fact that Newton’s body was under extreme stress and panic which caused a mass exodus of toxins from zirs…
Read MoreWorld Health Organization recommends government restrictions on alcohol distribution
“Alcohol is known to be harmful to health in general, and is well understood to increase the risk of injury and violence, including intimate partner violence, and can cause alcohol poisoning.”
Read MoreRich People in Tampa are Exempted from Quarantine
While much of Florida begins a quarantine that hopes to stop the spread of COVID-19, people with incomes greater than $35,000 a year are celebrating the fact that they are too rich to contract the virus. “I’m not rich,” said Shairy Woods, a woman who works two jobs and barely makes $36,000 a year. “I…
Read More