Posts Tagged ‘Desantis’
Trump too smart to fall for DeShenantisanigans
As division widens between top Republican leaders former President Donald Trump and recently re-elected Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, tensions between the two men on a personal level are rising. At a recent “We’re In This Together Breakfast & Lunch But Definitely Not Brunch Because That’s Gay” event held at the prestigious Denny’s on Dale Mabry…
Read MoreDeSantis refuses to commit to type of coffee he wants to drink
In town this afternoon for lunch at Seasons 52 at the Westshore Plaza, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was either unwilling or unable to tell a server if he wanted regular coffee or decaf. “I greeted him and asked if he’d like to start out with a beverage, the way I do with every customer,” said…
Read MoreDeSantis places restrictions on Kate Bush music
Due to being featured prominently in the popular Netflix series Stranger Things, the Kate Bush Song “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God),” originally released in 1985, is a chart-topping hit again. “Yeah, and I’m sick of it,” said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “Damn song is everywhere, all the time.” For that reason, among…
Read MoreDeSantis not sure what to do about Juneteenth
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is experiencing anxiety in anticipation of the upcoming Juneteenth holiday, which takes place on June 19th and commemorates the anniversary date of the June 19, 1865, announcement of General Order No. 3 by Union Army general Gordon Granger, proclaiming freedom for enslaved people in Texas “This one is tricky,” he said. “How do…
Read MoreDeSantis unlocks another achievement on way to Tyrant Master Badge
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took another huge step forward in his quest to earn the somewhat coveted Tyrant Master Badge by threatening the Special Olympics with $27 million in fines for 5,500 violations of state law for requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for attendees or participants. The Special Olympics dropped the restriction and released a…
Read MoreDeSantis proposes re-animated corpse of Anita Bryant as replacement for Mickey Mouse
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is proposing a possible compromise in the ongoing strained relationship between his office and The Walt Disney Company. “Maybe there’s room for a quid pro quo,” he said. “Maybe if they do something, I’ll do something.” What he’s suggesting is that the entertainment conglomerate that operates Walt Disney World, arguably the…
Read MoreDeSantis proclaims Buccaneers ‘rightful winner’ over Rams
Gov. Ron DeSantis signed a proclamation Tuesday declaring the Tampa Bay Buccaneers the “rightful winners and actual World Champions” three months after their 30-27 loss to the Los Angeles Rams in the NFC Divisional Playoffs in January. The governor’s proclamation states that “since the Bucs are a native Floridian professional football team from Tampa, I,…
Read MoreGovernor DeSantis accidentally says ‘gay’
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis mistakenly used the word ‘gay’ yesterday and is now terminally homosexual. He was attending a formal fundraising dinner event in Clearwater and was telling those assembled that they should pray before they began eating, but had heard an Elton John song on the radio on his way to the function, causing…
Read MoreDeSantis scolds West Tampa Little Leaguer for wearing cup
A visibly annoyed Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis admonished a catcher for the West Tampa All-Stars on Saturday for wearing a protective cup prior to a Little League game. DeSantis was in town to throw out the ceremonial first pitch prior to the game, when he noticed a bulge in the pants of 8-year-old Adam Tweedler who was…
Read MoreDeSantis clarifies stance on S.B. 148
Yesterday, we reported on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ support of S.B. 148, a bill designed to protect white people’s delicate sensibilities from the threat of Critical Race Theory and the ensuing critical thinking that might result. Today, we’re pretending that he called our office to clarify some of what we reported he said, and we’re…
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