Posts by Chingy Lopez
Brock Lesnar Signs 8-year Deal to Host New Morning Radio Show On 102.5 The Bone
After being announced as a free agent and no longer contractually obligated to perform with the WWE, Brock Lesnar has accepted an offer to host a brand-new morning show on Tampa Bay FM Talk Radio Leaders, 102.5 The Bone. “I’m Brock Lesnar and this Fall, every morning from 2 AM to 6 AM, listen to…
Read MoreTampa Boy Buys Gun on Facebook Marketplace, Kills Armed Intruder Same Day
In an event that likely would have ended in violent breaking and entering, 11-year-old Salem Plowers is being hailed as a hero after successfully shooting to death a would be criminal, thanks to the Facebook Marketplace. “The guy on the internet agreed to meet me to buy my Nintendo Switch,” said Plowers who was sucking…
Read MoreHillsborough County School Teacher Accused of Camming During E-Learning Class
A geography teacher at Strawberry Crest High School in Hillsborough County is in hot water today after students say she was performing sexual acts on camera while they were taking an exam. “It’s hard to afford to live on a teacher salary alone,” said Sandy Ditties, who also goes by the handle Ms.NaughtyBiNature on the…
Read MoreRick Scott Sees His Shadow, Predicts Six More Weeks of Broken Unemployment System
Unemployed Floridians this week waited in anticipation for an announcement from Governor Ron DeSantis about the state’s broken unemployment system. “We wanted to fix this thing as fast as we could,” said DeSantis who was licking a lollipop and pooping into a diaper under his suit. “Our unemployment system is broken because the guy before…
Read MoreLIVE: Trump Boat Parade in Clearwater Breaks Record for Most Closeted Homosexuals
Hundreds of boat owners descended on Clearwater Beach today for the biggest gathering of closeted homosexuals who support president Trump. “We needed 1,180 boat owners who haven’t come out of the closet today,” said event organizer Shuck Pipk. “We have well over a dozen more than what we need.” Pipk then tossed me a White…
Read MoreRick Scott Urges Floridians To Wear A Mask, Admits He Impregnated Baby Goat
During a recent interview with Tampa News Force, Florida Senator Rick Scott urged all Floridians to wear a mask if they are in public, the message was very brief. “I’ve quarantined a couple of times due to my run-ins with people with the virus,” said Scott, who was chatting with me on Zoom and had…
Read MoreFlorida Governor Ron DeSantis Has Two Words for the National Association of the Deaf
During a recent press conference, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis once again refused a request by the National Association of the Deaf to have an interpreter present in favor of delivering some sign language of his own. “For those who can’t hear my words or read my lips, I have two words for you,” said DeSantis…
Read MoreSanta Dies from Coronavirus
Today, Santa Claus was pronounced dead while vacationing in Florida. Santa was admitted to Florida Beachside General Hospital citing breathing complaints a few days ago. Florida health officials confirmed that Santa contracted the COVID-19 virus after partying on a boat with some Trump supporters. “Santa was challenged to a number of drinking games while on…
Read MoreRon DeSantis Slays Karaoke Rendition of Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”
During a drunken outing with Congressman Matt Gaetz, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was egged on into rapping the Oscar-award winning Eminem song, “Lose Yourself”. “I’ve seen that movie ‘8 Mile’ like a thousand times,” said Jimmy Jordan, a drunken crowd member who was at the same bar Gaetz and DeSantis passed through during their recent…
Read MoreBrooksville To Host Klan Lives Matter Rally
Protestors are set to march towards Brooksville’s famous Hanging Tree located in front of the Downtown Courthouse as part of the Klan Lives Matter Rally. “We are tired of the persecution and we want cops to stop killing us,” said Ike Ford, a Florida Klansmen and organizer of the event. “This rally is about what…
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