Religion
Clearwater man forms new cult
Rory Fulmp of Clearwater is scrambling to put a new cult together prior to the winter solstice on December 21. “When I found out that the Great Conjunction with Jupiter and Saturn, something that hasn’t happened in over 800 years will take place on the date of the Winter Solstice in this of all years,…
Read MorePorch pirate converts to Islam on doorbell camera
When noticed someone was walking onto his front porch to steal his most recent Amazon package, instead of attacking him or calling the police, the man confronted the potential thief, and within a matter of moments, was able to convert him to Islam, all which was documented from a Ring doorbell camera by his front…
Read MoreSatan petitions God to end pandemic; starts collecting signatures in Tampa
As we come to the halfway point in this clusterfuck of a year we’re calling 2020, an unlikely hero emerges and from the depths of the underworld of all places. Yes, Satan himself is here to save us all from Coronavirus. Satan is visiting Tampa this week collecting signatures to petition God for an end…
Read MoreGod Vacations at St. Pete Beach, Announces Bible 2
“I just needed to get away for a few days. I love the beach and my son Jesus lives over in Tampa”
Read MoreJesus returns, says Tampa is the best
Since Christ’s return he has been volunteering at the Trinity cafe on Nebraska avenue serving food to the homeless and washing people’s feet.
Read MoreNew Religious Cult Worships Lawyer’s Billboards
A new religious cult that worships the billboards advertising a local lawyer has taken up residence in the Tampa Bay area “Look how he smiles down upon us with benevolence and love,” says follower Prudence Holeflower, dancing uninhibitedly at the base of a Dennis Hernandez billboard located at the intersection of Florida Avenue and Kay…
Read MoreTampa Breaks Ground on Largest Conversion Therapy Camp
Megachurch pastor, Wally B. Hartwallace was very happy upon hearing the latest verdict striking down the City of Tampa’s ban on conversion therapy. “I had already bought the land right here in the heart of Downtown Tampa,” said Pastor Hartwallace who is also a host of the popular Christian AM Talk Show. The pastor had…
Read MoreSt Petersburg Loses Sainthood
Downtown St. Petersburg – Pinellas County – Monday, 4.8.2019 Following a strongly worded email that was sent to local government officials by the Vatican, St. Petersburg has officially had its Sainthood revoked. Citing issues of “excessive drug use, but like in an openly obnoxious way not even trying to be discreet,” and a surprisingly long…
Read MoreSeagulls spotted inland interpreted as sign of impending apocalypse
Plant City – Hillsborough County – Sunday 3.24.2019 A seagull spotted scavenging for food scraps in Plant City has caused a local church to declare that the end of the world is imminent. “Surely this is prophecy and the end is finally nigh,” says Anita Haymaker, a member of Plant City’s New Order of the…
Read MorePope Cancels Trip to Tampa Citing “Lack of Prayer”
Vatican – Italy – Tuesday, 2.12.2019 The Pope was set to arrive in Tampa this Friday, however he suddenly cancelled the trip citing “lack of prayer.” “They don’t pray enough,” said the pope as he finished washing a peasant’s feet. “There are many good people in Tampa. Many God-fearing, wholesome individuals in Tampa, yes.” He…
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