Posts Tagged ‘Rick Scott’
Rick Scott announces plan to overhaul AMBER Alert program
“I’m the one who totally revamped Florida’s unemployment system; there’s no reason I can’t do it again in this case, with equally spectacular results”
Read MoreRick Scott will sign your “Delta Farce” DVD for $40
In an effort to stand up to the imaginary trend known as “cancel culture” that is currently panicking many conservatives, Rick Scott announced that he will be autographing DVD copies of the 2007 comedy “Delta Farce”, starring Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall and DJ Qualls. “Rick Scott here. Right now, I’m ping to try…
Read More7-year-old experiencing existential crisis over future presidential prospects
7-year-old Amanda Mercer, a 2nd grade student at Azalea Elementary School in St. Petersburg is feeling extremely apprehensive about her future due to who may eventually become President of the United States during her lifetime. “It’s entirely possible that Rick Scott and Ron DeSantis could both serve two terms in the White House during my…
Read MoreRick Scott dismisses Tampa Bay pharmacy scammers as “amateurs”
Five Tampa Bay men have pled guilty in what federal prosecutors are calling the biggest healthcare fraud case in history. Court records show that Larry Everett Smith, Scott Roix, M.T., Maikel Bolos and Arun Kapoor submitted $931,356, 936 in bogus prescription bills to giant pharmacies including, CVS Caremark, Optum and others with help from telemarketing…
Read MoreNRSC Selects Rick Scott to Make US Senate More Racist
After Republicans lost the US Senate majority, the National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) selected Florida Senator and Slender Man impersonator, Rick Scott, as their new Chairman. “As you may have heard, I have just now taken over as the Chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee,” said Scott in a video message he released on…
Read MoreDeSantis wins no-blink challenge on technicality
The latest skirmish between Florida senator and former governor Rick Scott and his successor Ron DeSantis has culminated in a skills contest that was won by DeSantis, due to Scott being disqualified. The two men have a history of verbally sniping at one another in the press over issues ranging from the opening of the…
Read MoreRon DeSantis sends get well wishes to Rick Scott
Following the announcement that Senator Rick Scott has tested positive for having Covid-19, Florida Governor has sent his predecessor a hand-written get well card. “It’s no secret that Rick and I have had our differences,” said DeSantis. “But President Trump is always reminding me that he’s a colleague and a good fellow Republican, so I…
Read MoreDeSantis cleans out governors office in anticipation of being fired by President Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis spent this morning packing up and removing a box of personal effects from his office at the state capitol building in Tallahassee, following remarks by President Donald Trump at a campaign stop in Ocala yesterday. During the rally, Trump told the crowd, “He’s done a great job and he’s been my…
Read MoreRick Scott and Ron DeSantis going as each other for Halloween
Former Florida Governor and current US Senator Rick Scott and his successor in Tallahassee Ron DeSantis have settled on their respective costumes for this year’s Federal Government Halloween Gala, which will be held at the Marriott Waterside in Tampa for the sake of this story. The exclusive gala is the biggest Halloween costume party in…
Read MoreRick Scott to open boys preparatory academy in St. Pete
Senator Rick Scott announced his plan to open the first of what he hopes will be a statewide chain of prep schools for boys in St. Petersburg. “It’ll be called the School of Rick and the mission will be to teach boys to be men,” says the former governor of Florida. “I mean, obviously boys…
Read More