Arts
Local comedian quits after 14 years
Jon Jacobs, a stand up comedian that has been performing in the Tampa Bay Area for over one and a half decades is calling it quits. “It’s just not working out for me.” Jacobs said, smoking on a very low cigarette he picked up off the ground. “Nothings worked out for me, I’m not getting…
Read MoreStoned teenager disrupts group’s paint party
A group of friends in South Tampa had their annual holiday gathering at Painting With A Twist interrupted by a teenager under the influence of some illicit substance. “He ruined it”, said Carol Kern, one of the group’s participants. “We look forward to this every year and this uninvited bozo just shows up and wrecks…
Read MoreChild star cancels himself ahead of record deal
Dunstin Banks, a guitar prodigy out of Riverview, Florida, has cancelled himself ahead of a major record deal he was about to receive. Banks, a 12-year-old musician who’s been a virtuoso in numerous instruments since the age of 4, had been discovered after every single one of his Tik Tok videos received over 100 million…
Read MoreThieves pull off daring art heist in Tampa Heights
Café Hey, the venerable coffee and sandwich shop on Franklin Street located right on the boundary between downtown and Tampa Heights, was recently victimized by art thieves who law enforcement officials believe used an elaborate scheme to steal valuable works displayed on the establishment’s walls. “No,” said owner Chung Choi. “We’re still easing into being…
Read MoreKennedy memorial statue shot in the head
A stray bulled grazed the head of the John F. Kennedy memorial statue in front of the University of Tampa Monday morning, authorities claimed. The statue suffered minor damage and the bullet mark should be able to get buffed out at a later date, after an official investigation has taken place. “It might have been…
Read MoreBest of the Bay winner’s victory sullied by lack of Facebook Likes
Scott Fulcrum, 2021’s Best of the Bay Readers Choice award for Best Balloon Animal Artist, feels like his staggering career accomplishment has not been appreciated to the degree it deserves by his Facebook Friends. “When I was nominated, I posted that I was flattered and that was a reward in itself and I didn’t even…
Read MoreTop Eleven quotations of Hindu scripture by J. Robert Oppenheimer that aren’t nuclear! #9 will shock you!!
“I am Become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” – J. Robert Oppenheimer famously said this after a weird day at work. We all know J Robert Oppenheimer loved to quote Hindu scripture whenever he doomed the world to its own permanent nuclear hostage situation, but what you don’t know, is that that goofy scientist was…
Read MoreDali museum hours extended and reduced
In a surrealist move, the Dali museum has officially expanded and reduced it’s hours of operation during the week. Every odd Monday of the month will have it’s hours expanded by two hours in the morning, and every even Tuesday will have it’s hours reduced by two hours at night. However the rules will be…
Read MoreBrooksville residents line up to view Limbaugh mic
Residents of the Hernando County town named after one of America’s greatest racists began lining up to see the now-historic artifact early this morning. The queue stretched past the Florida Cracker Trading Company all the way to the Hernando Heritage Museum, which, surprisingly, is not the same thing as the Florida Cracker Trading Company.
Read MoreThe Weeknd gets STD from gator bite
Super Bowl Halftime-performer The Weeknd has contracted Hepatitis B after getting bit by an alligator on the Summer Heights Golf course in Pinellas. The singer, who had decided to spend an extra week in the city after doing so well in the Super Bowl, was invited to go play golf by a man who dances…
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