Government
Tampa Bay lesbians refusing dick following Roe v Wade verdict
For lesbians here in the Tampa Bay area, they have now started refusing sex with men following Roe v. Wade’s overturn. In the past, lesbians all over the Bay Area have been drawn to penal insertion. Due to abortion rights being struck down, the pene in vagine deal seems less and less attractive to lesbians…
Read MoreMan terrified to wear mask at DeSantis press conference
At a press conference earlier today in Nassau County where Florida Governor Ron DeSantis spoke about his ongoing plans for infrastructure improvements around the state, one man in attendance felt unsafe wearing a face mask. “I wanted to put it on, just to be careful because it was fairly crowded in there. I figured, ‘what’s…
Read MoreDeSantis not sure what to do about Juneteenth
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is experiencing anxiety in anticipation of the upcoming Juneteenth holiday, which takes place on June 19th and commemorates the anniversary date of the June 19, 1865, announcement of General Order No. 3 by Union Army general Gordon Granger, proclaiming freedom for enslaved people in Texas “This one is tricky,” he said. “How do…
Read MoreSupreme Court plans to overturn 13th amendment
A leaked document has revealed that the Supreme Court justices plan on voting to overturn the 13th amendment and legalize slavery in America once again. The leak comes shortly after the previous explosive leak, claiming the justices would soon be overturning Roe v Wade, criminalizing abortion. “I can’t believe it, but I can.” Said Ted…
Read MoreDeSantis unlocks another achievement on way to Tyrant Master Badge
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took another huge step forward in his quest to earn the somewhat coveted Tyrant Master Badge by threatening the Special Olympics with $27 million in fines for 5,500 violations of state law for requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for attendees or participants. The Special Olympics dropped the restriction and released a…
Read MoreMarco Rubio to become a pedophile so that people will talk about him
In an effort to become more relevant within his party and generate much needed media attention, Florida Senator Marco Rubio has announced that he is a pedophile. “I love fucking kids,” said Rubio to thunderous applause from the GOP base he so desperately wants to be accepted by. “Whenever I see a child, I get…
Read MoreMayor Castor attends therapy session with Tampa City Council
Following a recent series of unpleasant confrontations between Tampa Mayor Jane Castor and members of the Tampa City Council, all parties involved have agreed to seek therapy in order to understand, and hopefully resolve, their differences. “It’s what the city needs and deserves, a leadership with a united front that communicates effectively and resolves internal…
Read MoreDeSantis proposes re-animated corpse of Anita Bryant as replacement for Mickey Mouse
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is proposing a possible compromise in the ongoing strained relationship between his office and The Walt Disney Company. “Maybe there’s room for a quid pro quo,” he said. “Maybe if they do something, I’ll do something.” What he’s suggesting is that the entertainment conglomerate that operates Walt Disney World, arguably the…
Read MorePostcoital man wins presidency
A man in Westchase who just finished having sex has been nominated the president of the United States after an overwhelming write-in effort from supporters. Ted Clazinsky, ran on a platform of clear minds and clear thoughts, unfettered by sexual desires, won the popular vote with %65 of voters choosing him. “Yea, I just had…
Read MoreRick Scott and Ted Cruz announce youth reading program
Following the contentious Supreme Court confirmation hearing for Ketanji Brown Jackson, in which several questions were raised about children’s literature for some reason, discarded Halloween decorations and US Senators Rick Scott (R-FL) and Ted Cruz (R-TX) have announced a new reading program for kids, “Read With Uncles Rick And Ted”. “We feel like we really…
Read More