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Tampa News Force

Jane Game

Mayor Castor Video Game Announced for Playstation 5

By Josh Santos | February 2, 2023

As part of a new inclusive gaming agenda by Activision, the gaming studio behind the popular Call of Duty franchise has announced a new video game based on the life of Tampa Mayor Jane Castor. “I have been shot at,” said Mayor Castor who previously served as the chief of police for the City of…

Breaking News

Krystal

Fast food marquee is speechless

The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what…

South Tampa woman gets service animal

Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in…

Shooters

Mass shooting interrupted by mass shooting

By John Jacobs | January 27, 2023

A mass shooting that took place at Wet Willy’s Waterpark on Flankton Avenue in East Tampa was temporarily interrupted, when a second mass shooter, not connected to the first mass shooter, showed up to commit a mass shooting. Arnold Jeffries, who entered at the south entrance and began opening fire towards the lazy river noticed…

Sports

Football experts all somehow get predictions wrong

Somehow, inexplicably, a group of football scientists all got their predictions regarding Monday night’s NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tampa Bay…

Bucs win 2022 NFC South

Bucs are “champions” of the NFC South!

Following a 30-24 defeat of the Carolina Panthers today at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have won the NFC South Division…

Feb 1

How to celebrate Tom Brady Retirement Day

By Clark Brooks | February 1, 2023

Every year since last year, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback and future NFL Hall of Famer Tom Brady retires on February 1st, ending his legendary and unprecedented career for 40 days. Here are some ways you can get in on the fun and celebrate this annual occasion… QUIT YOUR JOB That’s enough of that. Just walk…

Arts and Entertainment

Safety advocate

Tampa woman accused of being fun at parties

Following an exchange between young women in Tampa regarding Gasparilla activities, a local life coach is the victim of a slanderous accusation. A group of…

Monster Truck

Woke liberal falls asleep at the wheel, kills 400

A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over…

Assparilla butt parade is an instant hit

By John Jacobs | January 30, 2023

The inaugural “Assparilla” butt parade made it’s debut this year on Gasparilla, to a fevered reception, drawing praise from all of Tampa. “It’s the best idea the city has had since Busch Gardens opened!” Said Bernard Mopkins, who was in attendance. “It was just a never-ending train of ladies with large butts tossing butt-shaped bead…

Government

February

DeSantis bans February

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will…

Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater

Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me!…

TBARTA

Agency you’ve probably never heard of that never did anything calls it quits

By Clark Brooks | January 25, 2023

The Tampa Bay Area Regional Transit Authority (TBARTA), the transit authority that oversees regional transportation needs in Hernando, Hillsborough, Manatee, Pasco and Pinellas counties has voted unanimously to dissolve the organization. “Fuck it,” said TBARTA Chairman Cliff Manuel Jr. “We out.” The agency, started by the state in 2007 but not having received funding from…

Local and Community

Grooming

St. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon

Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that…

Dunedin

Dunedin bails on the whole ‘Scotland’ thing

Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,”…

Craft Beer

Sweet Sixteen Ruined by IPA Release

By Josh Santos | January 31, 2023

As 16-year-old Molly Johnson eagerly anticipated her Sweet Sixteen party, she never could have predicted that it would fall on the day that a nearby Tampa Heights brewery would release the highly anticipated Hopfucker Quintuple IPA. “I can’t believe this fucking shit is happening,” Molly said, tears streaming down her face. “My fucking Sweet Sixteen…

Speak

6 Ways white people can get away with saying the N-word

By John Jacobs | January 15, 2023

Play a character Leonardo Dicaprio, Edward Norton, Daniel Radcliffe, and many more of our most beloved white actors have gotten away with saying the N-word by doing it in character. When white people are playing racist characters in movies it’s ok for them to say the N-word.  Write it in a book That book Tom…

Sticker

Man caught putting stickers on eggs at Publix

By Clark Brooks | January 14, 2023

A man was spotted placing stickers saying “I DID THAT” with a picture of President Joe Biden on them on cartons of eggs at the Publix grocery store at 2724 W. Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa yesterday. “Hey, get out of here! You can’t do that!” said a grocery bagger at the store. “Why the hell…

Queefs

New chain of sports bars for ladies slated to open in Tampa Bay

By Clark Brooks | January 13, 2023

A brand-new chain of sports designed to appeal to families, and focusing on women, opened yesterday with their first location in Brandon. “Welcome to Queef O’Brady’s,” said owner and manager Tommy Wiffleballz. “The first sports bar by men for women to watch sports played by men and eat chicken wings served by women.” “This is…

Friend

Tampa man doesn’t remember adding Facebook Friend

By Clark Brooks | January 12, 2023

Kevin Sanderson of Tampa has someone among his Friends on Facebook that he doesn’t know and doesn’t remember adding. “A picture of her with a dog popped up on my timeline, and I thought ‘why is Facebook showing me random status updates from strangers?’,” he said. “But I clicked on the profile and it says…

Drag Grad

Schools to require students complete 40 hours of drag competitions before graduating

By John Jacobs | January 11, 2023

Hillsborough county public schools will now require all students participate in at least 40 hours of drag competitions in order to graduate, according to the Hillsborough County School Board. “To combat bigotry and prejudice, the only way we can effectively break children’s bad habits is to force them to immerse themselves in the diverse culture…

Flags

Black Herstory Month and Black Themstory Month declared to be celebrated

By John Jacobs | January 10, 2023

Following Black History Month, 2 more months celebrating black excellence, “Black Herstory Month” and “Back Themstory Month” have been declared to recognize the achievements of black women and black trans people. “There’s only so much time in February to talk of all of black people’s accomplishments, it’s necessary we have more time to celebrate the…

I'm back!

Monkey with typewriter accidentally brings Hitler back to life

By John Jacobs | January 9, 2023

That old saying if you put one hundred monkeys with typewriters in a room and they could write Shakespeare has been taken to a new level after a monkey with a typewriter has accidentally brought Hitler back to life. Researchers at the Lowry Park Zoo were curious would would happen if they gave a monkey…

New Chief

Mayor Castor Look-A-Like Contest Winner Wins Chief of Police Job

By Josh Santos | January 8, 2023

After the resignation of the most recent Chief of Police for the Tampa Police Department, Mayor Jane Castor has announced that the winner of a recent Look-a-like contest will be awarded the title of Chief of Police for the TPD. “I’m just a good boy,” said Lenna Delanada and a playful baby voice. Delanada is…

Secret Code Words That Force Tampa Cops to Release You

By Josh Santos | January 7, 2023

5. Is your camera on? Cops hate it when you ask the first question, so before they can say anything to you, ask if their camera is on and recording. When they hear this simple question, they will know that you are a citizen who knows their rights and they will let you go immediately. …

Flamingo

Local residents express displeasure with airport flamingo name

By Clark Brooks | January 6, 2023

After receiving 65,000 ideas submitted to Tampa International Airport’s contest to name the giant flamingo that is the centerpiece of the 21-foot tall sculpture titled “Home” by artist Matthew Mazzotta, a winner has been chosen; it’s “Phoebe” and people hate it. “We understood when we launched the contest that some people would inevitably be disappointed.…