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Tampa News Force

Jane Game

Mayor Castor Video Game Announced for Playstation 5

By Josh Santos | February 2, 2023

As part of a new inclusive gaming agenda by Activision, the gaming studio behind the popular Call of Duty franchise has announced a new video game based on the life of Tampa Mayor Jane Castor. “I have been shot at,” said Mayor Castor who previously served as the chief of police for the City of…

Breaking News

Krystal

Fast food marquee is speechless

The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what…

South Tampa woman gets service animal

Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in…

Shooters

Mass shooting interrupted by mass shooting

By John Jacobs | January 27, 2023

A mass shooting that took place at Wet Willy’s Waterpark on Flankton Avenue in East Tampa was temporarily interrupted, when a second mass shooter, not connected to the first mass shooter, showed up to commit a mass shooting. Arnold Jeffries, who entered at the south entrance and began opening fire towards the lazy river noticed…

Sports

Football experts all somehow get predictions wrong

Somehow, inexplicably, a group of football scientists all got their predictions regarding Monday night’s NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tampa Bay…

Bucs win 2022 NFC South

Bucs are “champions” of the NFC South!

Following a 30-24 defeat of the Carolina Panthers today at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have won the NFC South Division…

Feb 1

How to celebrate Tom Brady Retirement Day

By Clark Brooks | February 1, 2023

Every year since last year, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback and future NFL Hall of Famer Tom Brady retires on February 1st, ending his legendary and unprecedented career for 40 days. Here are some ways you can get in on the fun and celebrate this annual occasion… QUIT YOUR JOB That’s enough of that. Just walk…

Arts and Entertainment

Safety advocate

Tampa woman accused of being fun at parties

Following an exchange between young women in Tampa regarding Gasparilla activities, a local life coach is the victim of a slanderous accusation. A group of…

Monster Truck

Woke liberal falls asleep at the wheel, kills 400

A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over…

Assparilla butt parade is an instant hit

By John Jacobs | January 30, 2023

The inaugural “Assparilla” butt parade made it’s debut this year on Gasparilla, to a fevered reception, drawing praise from all of Tampa. “It’s the best idea the city has had since Busch Gardens opened!” Said Bernard Mopkins, who was in attendance. “It was just a never-ending train of ladies with large butts tossing butt-shaped bead…

Government

February

DeSantis bans February

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will…

Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater

Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me!…

TBARTA

Agency you’ve probably never heard of that never did anything calls it quits

By Clark Brooks | January 25, 2023

The Tampa Bay Area Regional Transit Authority (TBARTA), the transit authority that oversees regional transportation needs in Hernando, Hillsborough, Manatee, Pasco and Pinellas counties has voted unanimously to dissolve the organization. “Fuck it,” said TBARTA Chairman Cliff Manuel Jr. “We out.” The agency, started by the state in 2007 but not having received funding from…

Local and Community

Grooming

St. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon

Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that…

Dunedin

Dunedin bails on the whole ‘Scotland’ thing

Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,”…

Craft Beer

Sweet Sixteen Ruined by IPA Release

By Josh Santos | January 31, 2023

As 16-year-old Molly Johnson eagerly anticipated her Sweet Sixteen party, she never could have predicted that it would fall on the day that a nearby Tampa Heights brewery would release the highly anticipated Hopfucker Quintuple IPA. “I can’t believe this fucking shit is happening,” Molly said, tears streaming down her face. “My fucking Sweet Sixteen…

Grooming

St. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon

By Clark Brooks | January 24, 2023

Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that brushing your teeth, clipping your toenails and washing your hair as well as your whole body is not only a waste of time but a crime against nature,” said Glombcroft…

February

DeSantis bans February

By Clark Brooks | January 23, 2023

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will now be 45 days long and will be known as Janmaxuary and March will also be 45 days and shall be referred to as MarchUltra,” the Governor declared. “All the…

Krystal

Fast food marquee is speechless

By Clark Brooks | January 22, 2023

The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what can you say? What can anyone say?” said Krystal manager Culver McButterburger, referring to any number of existential horror stories taking place at every waking moment. “It’s all so… just……

Monster Truck

Woke liberal falls asleep at the wheel, kills 400

By John Jacobs | January 21, 2023

A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over thousands of people, killing 400. Known as “The Woke Bloke,” the British-born monster truck driver, moved to the States as a child and become a bleeding-liberal, constantly championing whatever the…

Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater

By Clark Brooks | January 20, 2023

Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me! Don’t shoot! I am not resisting arrest. I repeat, I AM NOT RESISTING ARREST!” he shouted to Clearwater Police officers Edward Wambaugh and Joseph Conlon who were in the process…

South Tampa woman gets service animal

By Clark Brooks | January 19, 2023

Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. “I guess it occurred to him that I have a pretty easy time of it,” she said. “So he bought me a hinder monkey.” “She’s attractive and has…

Voyage

Woman reads Voyage Tampa magazine, in spite of absence of anything to do with her

By Clark Brooks | January 18, 2023

Diana Mauser of Tampa made a point of picking up and reading an entire issue of Voyage Tampa magazine, even though she is not mentioned at all anywhere in its contents, something no one has ever attempted before. “I just thought it would be an interesting read,” she said. “Maybe a fun way to learn…

Dunedin

Dunedin bails on the whole ‘Scotland’ thing

By Clark Brooks | January 17, 2023

Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,” said Mayor Julie Ward Bujalski. “Visitors didn’t understand it and locals seemed to be getting tired of it. So, that’s that.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gaelic language. Plaid. Bagpipes,” said Commissioner…

Football experts all somehow get predictions wrong

By Clark Brooks | January 16, 2023

Somehow, inexplicably, a group of football scientists all got their predictions regarding Monday night’s NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers incorrect. The expensive and highly-scientific poll was conducted prior to the game by local TV station WFTS (Channel 28) which is located directly across Himes Avenue from Raymond James…

Reader

Tampa man forgets how to read

By Clark Brooks | January 16, 2023

Keith Stumpler of Tampa has forgotten how to read. “I was someplace and a show was on TV in the bar. It was too loud to hear so they had the subtitles turned on. I looked at them to follow the story and realized I didn’t know what all the squiggly characters were and what…