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Tampa News Force

Household killers

Top 5 Common Household Items THAT CAN KILL YOU

By Clark Brooks | September 24, 2022

The world is a violent and dangerous place. Your life is in danger anytime you venture out into it. Highly contagious diseases, mass shootings, crazy traffic. Most of us experience a huge sense of relief upon arriving home at the end of the day. But that’s a false sense of security; your home is a…

Breaking News

Emergency

Immediate action needed immediately!

What are you doing right now? Well, stop it! This an emergency! All hands on deck! This is not a drill!! Seriously, what are you…

Documents

DOJ had questions about Top Secret document transportation and storage

Part of the heavily-redacted affidavit pertaining to the recent search of former President Donald Trump’s home in Mar-a-Lago indicates that the Department of Justice (DOJ)…

OJ Kanye Pete

Pete Davidson Buys Tampa News Force

By Josh Santos | September 9, 2022

Pete Davidson of SNL fame has announced plans to purchase the majority ownership of THIS PUBLICATION! [Tampa News Force] “I’ve been trying to find new things to get my mind off of the crazy stuff happening to me right now,” said Davidson during a heavy weed smoking session with current TNF owner, OJ Simpson “I…

Sports

New Bucs Helmets

Bucs excited to try out new protective headgear

When the Tampa Bay Buccaneers kick off the 2022 season tonight in Dallas against the Cowboys, they’ll be sporting new helmets, designed by the Nintendo…

White People

ESPN officially makes White People Running Around In The Yard a sport

As baseball continues to drag through the longest, least eventful part of its season, TV networks are desperate for alternatives to the only major league…

Tom's Night Out

“Boys Night Out” for Brady saves Bucs season

By Clark Brooks | September 12, 2022

With what has seemed like uncharacteristically erratic behavior from Buccaneers starting quarterback and all-time NFL great Tom Brady recently, widely speculated to stem from conflict within his relationship with his wife Gisele Bündchen, the team decided to intervene and arranged for a “boys night out” to lift Brady’s spirits and re-focus him on the 2022…

Arts and Entertainment

Top Five Secret Cruise Ship Amenities

Between the sight-seeing, the food, the pampering, the entertainment, the activities and so much more, there’s a lot to love about taking a cruise. But…

Lavatory Lector

Ybor nightclub hires lavatory lector

“BUS”, a new night club recently opened in Ybor City is introducing a customer service feature they hope will help them stand out from their…

Island BoysNT

Where are they now: The Island Boys

By Clark Brooks | September 23, 2022

Here at Tampa News Force, we like to keep tabs on our favorite celebs in a feature we call, “Where are they now: (Insert name here)”. In this week’s edition, we’re checking in with those lovable scamps, The Island Boys! What are they doing? What have they been up to since the last time we…

Government

Migrants

The State of Florida Guide on how to get rid of unwanted migrants

(Reposted as a public service on behalf of the Florida State Government as interpreted by Governor Ron DeSantis who is totally not a tyrant.) Do…

Incest

“Don’t say incest” bill passes in Florida

The Family Togetherness Act, also known as the “don’t say incest” bill has passed in Florida congress with a vote of 4-3, making it illegal…

Ron D Dick

Ron DeSantis sucks d**k to prove he’s not gay

By John Jacobs | September 21, 2022

Governor Ron Desantis has made headlines again after publicly giving a blow job to a man during his last press conference to, “prove once and for all, that I’m not gay.” After relentless cyber-bullying, accusing the Governor of being gay, DeSantis decided to take matters into his own hands by bringing a male sex-worker to…

Local and Community

Trans person not that mad about being misgendered

Trishelle Albeta, a female who was born male, was accidentally misgendered at a 7-11 attached to a Chinese restaurant in Riverview, but was not offended.…

Grandpa

St. Pete man’s correct usage of current slang annoys granddaughter

16-year-old Megyn Morton of St. Petersburg finds herself in an almost constant state of aggravation because of her grandfather Henry “Hank” Morton’s accurate usage of…

Jeters

Effort underway to preserve historic Jeter House

By Clark Brooks | September 20, 2022

Upon news breaking that the new owner of the former Davis Island home of Derek Jeter has filed a commercial demolition permit with the intent of tearing it down, local activists have launched an initiative designed to preserve the property as is. “When you think about who has lived here, the cultural and historic significance…

Grandpa

St. Pete man’s correct usage of current slang annoys granddaughter

By Clark Brooks | September 14, 2022

16-year-old Megyn Morton of St. Petersburg finds herself in an almost constant state of aggravation because of her grandfather Henry “Hank” Morton’s accurate usage of currently relevant slang terminology. “About a month ago, my parents bought him an iPhone 13, which is newer than my iPhone 10, by the way,” she said. “The idea was…

No Sex With Pregos

Sex With Pregnant Women Now Illegal in Florida

By Josh Santos | September 13, 2022

Now that life begins at conception, sex with pregnant women will be considered sexual battery on a minor. “New and expecting parents will be required by law to sign a form stating they didn’t engage in any sexual contact after discovering the pregnancy.” Said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a press conference where he signed…

Tom's Night Out

“Boys Night Out” for Brady saves Bucs season

By Clark Brooks | September 12, 2022

With what has seemed like uncharacteristically erratic behavior from Buccaneers starting quarterback and all-time NFL great Tom Brady recently, widely speculated to stem from conflict within his relationship with his wife Gisele Bündchen, the team decided to intervene and arranged for a “boys night out” to lift Brady’s spirits and re-focus him on the 2022…

New Bucs Helmets

Bucs excited to try out new protective headgear

By Clark Brooks | September 11, 2022

When the Tampa Bay Buccaneers kick off the 2022 season tonight in Dallas against the Cowboys, they’ll be sporting new helmets, designed by the Nintendo corporation for maximum protection against head injuries. “Nobody is as ahead of the curve in terms of protecting their characters more than the video game industry,” said Mike Rivers, Buccaneers…

Beer rain in Largo

Brewery Explosion Causes Beer to Rain Down on Certain Parts of Largo County

By Josh Santos | September 10, 2022

An explosion at the Hidden Sun Brewery in Downtown Largo momentarily caused beer to rain down over certain parts of the fourth largest city in Tampa Bay. “I was strolling with my baby on one of the 640 acres of park land in Largo when the rains started coming in,” said Shannon McBeel, a new…

OJ Kanye Pete

Pete Davidson Buys Tampa News Force

By Josh Santos | September 9, 2022

Pete Davidson of SNL fame has announced plans to purchase the majority ownership of THIS PUBLICATION! [Tampa News Force] “I’ve been trying to find new things to get my mind off of the crazy stuff happening to me right now,” said Davidson during a heavy weed smoking session with current TNF owner, OJ Simpson “I…

Amy Schumer

Mouthy broad who slandered Tampa Bay returns to presumably destroy what’s left of our self esteem

By Lemur J. Fitzmuggins III | September 8, 2022

Amy Schumer, who is credited as an author, comedian and actor for no reasons other than that she writes books, performs stand-up comedy and acts in movies and TV programs, has two shows tonight at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Event Center at 6:30 and 9:30, during which she will undoubtedly continue her…

Charlie Christ

Charlie Crist changes name to connect with evangelical Christians

By Clark Brooks | September 7, 2022

In an effort to appeal to conservative voters in the upcoming election for Florida governor, Democratic Party nominee Charlie Crist has changed his name to Chuckie Christ. “It occurred to me that some people might not realize that I’m a direct descendant of The Original Guy,” he said. “He’s actually my uncle, from Nazareth, which…

tnf money

To celebrate Labor Day, Tampa News Force decides to pay its staff!

By Chris Coon | September 6, 2022

For just one special day in honor of our nations great labor history and to reward our wonderful writers for their brilliant work, multi-millionaire TV star John Jacobs, and newspaper mogul Clark Brooks have decided to hurl handfuls of loose coins from the luxurious executive balcony where editors reside down toward the alley where TNF…

White People

ESPN officially makes White People Running Around In The Yard a sport

By Clark Brooks | September 6, 2022

As baseball continues to drag through the longest, least eventful part of its season, TV networks are desperate for alternatives to the only major league sport taking place right now. The cable channel recently sent a crew to broadcast a recent game of White People Running Around In The Yard held in Temple Terrace to…