Tampa News Force
Mayor Castor Video Game Announced for Playstation 5
As part of a new inclusive gaming agenda by Activision, the gaming studio behind the popular Call of Duty franchise has announced a new video game based on the life of Tampa Mayor Jane Castor. “I have been shot at,” said Mayor Castor who previously served as the chief of police for the City of…
Breaking News
Fast food marquee is speechless
The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what…
South Tampa woman gets service animal
Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in…
Mass shooting interrupted by mass shooting
A mass shooting that took place at Wet Willy’s Waterpark on Flankton Avenue in East Tampa was temporarily interrupted, when a second mass shooter, not connected to the first mass shooter, showed up to commit a mass shooting. Arnold Jeffries, who entered at the south entrance and began opening fire towards the lazy river noticed…
Sports
Football experts all somehow get predictions wrong
Somehow, inexplicably, a group of football scientists all got their predictions regarding Monday night’s NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tampa Bay…
Bucs are “champions” of the NFC South!
Following a 30-24 defeat of the Carolina Panthers today at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have won the NFC South Division…
How to celebrate Tom Brady Retirement Day
Every year since last year, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback and future NFL Hall of Famer Tom Brady retires on February 1st, ending his legendary and unprecedented career for 40 days. Here are some ways you can get in on the fun and celebrate this annual occasion… QUIT YOUR JOB That’s enough of that. Just walk…
Arts and Entertainment
Tampa woman accused of being fun at parties
Following an exchange between young women in Tampa regarding Gasparilla activities, a local life coach is the victim of a slanderous accusation. A group of…
Woke liberal falls asleep at the wheel, kills 400
A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over…
Assparilla butt parade is an instant hit
The inaugural “Assparilla” butt parade made it’s debut this year on Gasparilla, to a fevered reception, drawing praise from all of Tampa. “It’s the best idea the city has had since Busch Gardens opened!” Said Bernard Mopkins, who was in attendance. “It was just a never-ending train of ladies with large butts tossing butt-shaped bead…
Government
DeSantis bans February
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will…
Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater
Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me!…
Agency you’ve probably never heard of that never did anything calls it quits
The Tampa Bay Area Regional Transit Authority (TBARTA), the transit authority that oversees regional transportation needs in Hernando, Hillsborough, Manatee, Pasco and Pinellas counties has voted unanimously to dissolve the organization. “Fuck it,” said TBARTA Chairman Cliff Manuel Jr. “We out.” The agency, started by the state in 2007 but not having received funding from…
Local and Community
St. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon
Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that…
Dunedin bails on the whole ‘Scotland’ thing
Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,”…
Sweet Sixteen Ruined by IPA Release
As 16-year-old Molly Johnson eagerly anticipated her Sweet Sixteen party, she never could have predicted that it would fall on the day that a nearby Tampa Heights brewery would release the highly anticipated Hopfucker Quintuple IPA. “I can’t believe this fucking shit is happening,” Molly said, tears streaming down her face. “My fucking Sweet Sixteen…
Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that brushing your teeth, clipping your toenails and washing your hair as well as your whole body is not only a waste of time but a crime against nature,” said Glombcroft…
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will now be 45 days long and will be known as Janmaxuary and March will also be 45 days and shall be referred to as MarchUltra,” the Governor declared. “All the…
The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what can you say? What can anyone say?” said Krystal manager Culver McButterburger, referring to any number of existential horror stories taking place at every waking moment. “It’s all so… just……
A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over thousands of people, killing 400. Known as “The Woke Bloke,” the British-born monster truck driver, moved to the States as a child and become a bleeding-liberal, constantly championing whatever the…
Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me! Don’t shoot! I am not resisting arrest. I repeat, I AM NOT RESISTING ARREST!” he shouted to Clearwater Police officers Edward Wambaugh and Joseph Conlon who were in the process…
Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. “I guess it occurred to him that I have a pretty easy time of it,” she said. “So he bought me a hinder monkey.” “She’s attractive and has…
Diana Mauser of Tampa made a point of picking up and reading an entire issue of Voyage Tampa magazine, even though she is not mentioned at all anywhere in its contents, something no one has ever attempted before. “I just thought it would be an interesting read,” she said. “Maybe a fun way to learn…
Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,” said Mayor Julie Ward Bujalski. “Visitors didn’t understand it and locals seemed to be getting tired of it. So, that’s that.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gaelic language. Plaid. Bagpipes,” said Commissioner…
Somehow, inexplicably, a group of football scientists all got their predictions regarding Monday night’s NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers incorrect. The expensive and highly-scientific poll was conducted prior to the game by local TV station WFTS (Channel 28) which is located directly across Himes Avenue from Raymond James…
Keith Stumpler of Tampa has forgotten how to read. “I was someplace and a show was on TV in the bar. It was too loud to hear so they had the subtitles turned on. I looked at them to follow the story and realized I didn’t know what all the squiggly characters were and what…