Tampa News Force
Rick Scott Prays for Hurricane to Drown all the Poor People
Florida Senator Rick Scott spent much of the past few days praying for the upcoming Hurricane Dorian to gather enough strength and drown every poor person in its path. “As governor of Florida, I made sure every poor person worked even harder than they had to if they wanted the dollars,” said Senator Scott, still…
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Breaking News
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club in West Palm Beach yesterday. “Governor DeSantis feels very strongly that this situation requires his immediate and personal attention,” said spokesperson Katie Beatty. “He always gets involved at this level…
Sports
USF Football Fan Commits Numerous Hate Crimes at Bulls Win Over Bethune Cookman College
Do you launch into a relentless stream of slurs when rooting for your favorite sport? 🏈🐂
Tampa Man Outraged Over Song Played at Bucs Game
Does this song being included at sporting events bother you?
Arts and Entertainment
Government
Great Outdoors Initiative Signals Big Changes for Florida’s State Parks
Do you think this will make Florida’s state parks better?
Temple Terrace Man’s Land Seized in Florida Great Outdoors Initiative
This is a developing situation
Local and Community
A wild pack of Miami dolphins have swam from south-east Florida, all the way up to the Tampa bay, claiming it as their new full-time home. “These dolphins used to live in Miami.” Said senior marine biologist, Becky Crenchky as she chewed a large glob of Hubba Bubba bubblegum. “I’ve seen dolphins live pretty much…
Every year, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers pay homage to someone, usually either a former player or coach, who distinguished himself and brought glory to the team with his efforts by inducting him into their Ring of Honor. This season, former cornerback Ronde Barber will become the 13th member of the Ring of Honor, joining Lee Roy…
In an effort to reduce stress suffered by drivers and cut down on road rage incidents, Hillsborough County has announced that they will be installing petting zoos at select intersections, mostly in Tampa. “There’s no denying the fact that navigating our congested roadways is what we now call a ‘challenge’ since we’re not allowed to…
After some light showers brought intense flooding to the streets of Oldsmar, a giant sinkhole opened up and swallowed the entire town. “I was out there recently because I have to cut through Oldsmar to get to Walmart,” said Wallris Bellymew, a Town and Country resident. “I thought the roads here were well taken care…
Local Popeyes have begun taking precautions to hurricane-proof their establishments in preparation for hurricane Dorian. Despite severe weather warnings, hundreds of customers are refusing to lose their place in line, forcing Popeye’s to accommodate their guests however they can. The manufacturing of makeshift tents using Popeye’s tinfoil have been underway, however most employees have never…
One of Tampa’s TECO streetcars has somehow wound up on Amtrak railroad tracks and is headed up the east coast. “They say if you don’t pay attention, things can go wrong,” says operator Casper ‘Cappy’ Klimper. “I guess I REALLY wasn’t paying attention because things have gone REALLY wrong.” When asked how this could happen,…
Florida Senator Rick Scott spent much of the past few days praying for the upcoming Hurricane Dorian to gather enough strength and drown every poor person in its path. “As governor of Florida, I made sure every poor person worked even harder than they had to if they wanted the dollars,” said Senator Scott, still…
Roger Gnudtke, a salesman for Hindercapable Inc. is having yet another record breaking sales year. “When the company first assigned me the downtown Tampa territory, I didn’t have very high hopes. Mostly because nobody lived there and all the businesses closed at 5 PM,”, says Gnudtke. “But shortly after that, a couple condo towers were…
Tampa Bay’s newly christened team in the re-launched XFL, the Vipers, is preparing for the launch of their inaugural season in February of 2020 by making a playlist of songs commonly played at sporting events. “Let’s be honest; the biggest challenge we face is establishing ourselves as a viable, legitimate professional sports franchise that the…
Tampa News Force fans gathered outside of the Creative Loafing offices to demand a preemptive recount in the event that they don’t win anything. “We went through the list on ‘tampanewsforce.com/vote‘ and had some issues with it,” said one TNF fan who wanted to remain anonymous. “First thing, the login is really sketchy. Very bad…