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Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that brushing your teeth, clipping your toenails and washing your hair as well as your whole body is not only a waste of time but a crime against nature,” said Glombcroft…
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will now be 45 days long and will be known as Janmaxuary and March will also be 45 days and shall be referred to as MarchUltra,” the Governor declared. “All the…
The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what can you say? What can anyone say?” said Krystal manager Culver McButterburger, referring to any number of existential horror stories taking place at every waking moment. “It’s all so… just……
A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over thousands of people, killing 400. Known as “The Woke Bloke,” the British-born monster truck driver, moved to the States as a child and become a bleeding-liberal, constantly championing whatever the…
Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me! Don’t shoot! I am not resisting arrest. I repeat, I AM NOT RESISTING ARREST!” he shouted to Clearwater Police officers Edward Wambaugh and Joseph Conlon who were in the process…
Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. “I guess it occurred to him that I have a pretty easy time of it,” she said. “So he bought me a hinder monkey.” “She’s attractive and has…
Diana Mauser of Tampa made a point of picking up and reading an entire issue of Voyage Tampa magazine, even though she is not mentioned at all anywhere in its contents, something no one has ever attempted before. “I just thought it would be an interesting read,” she said. “Maybe a fun way to learn…
Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,” said Mayor Julie Ward Bujalski. “Visitors didn’t understand it and locals seemed to be getting tired of it. So, that’s that.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gaelic language. Plaid. Bagpipes,” said Commissioner…
Somehow, inexplicably, a group of football scientists all got their predictions regarding Monday night’s NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers incorrect. The expensive and highly-scientific poll was conducted prior to the game by local TV station WFTS (Channel 28) which is located directly across Himes Avenue from Raymond James…
Keith Stumpler of Tampa has forgotten how to read. “I was someplace and a show was on TV in the bar. It was too loud to hear so they had the subtitles turned on. I looked at them to follow the story and realized I didn’t know what all the squiggly characters were and what…