Tampa News Force
TNF resists urge to make May 4 joke
Tampa News Force is feeling very smug and superior today after not making any self-referential Star Wars jokes yesterday.
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Major League Baseball (MLB) is implementing a number of changes for the 2023 season, including rule changes, larger bases and a clock that will limit time taken between pitches. One of these changes will be specific to Tampa Bay Rays games at Tropicana Field. In order to facilitate complaints about the much-maligned domed home stadium…
In response to negative feedback directed toward his proposed new legislation that would ban discussion of menstrual cycles and other human sexuality topics in elementary grades, Republican Representative Stan McClain from Ocala has proposed something of a compromise. “Fine. I’ll talk to them about it,” he said. “Welcome to ‘Storytime with Stan’.” As written by…
The creator of everything, God, notorious for being against the concept of homosexuality, has decided to soften his stance on same-sex love, by allowing gay people to get in to heaven during pride month. “I’ll be honest, hell is just becoming too gay, I’ve sent so many gay people there, and I get so much…
By analyzing keyword hotspots and human endorphin burst-science, we’re able to bring you a carefully curated collection of sentences that are guaranteed to brighten your day and put a smile on your face: “The dog and cat gave birth to kittens and puppies at the bisexual, interracial, transcendental meditation ceremony.” “You won the lottery and…
American politician, Baptist minister, and political commentator Mike Huckabee, who served as the 44th governor of Arkansas, is touting a line of children’s literature designed to educate but in no way indoctrinate or unduly influence them in any way. “The mainstream media has been no friend to President Trump, and they’ll never admit that he…
Jeanene Rabbitowitz of Tampa is the office manager for Company Inc, a large business company in downtown Tampa, but is mostly responsible for writing memos posted to the refrigerator in the office’s break room. “I don’t know what else she does,” said Roger Kern, an employee. “If I need pens or post-it notes I just…
Last night in Miami, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis issued a proclamation honoring the team representing the United States in the recently completed World Baseball Classic as the rightful winners of the global tournament. “I don’t care what the scoreboard said, baseball is America’s game, America is number one and America is the winner,” he said,…
Gary Phrenger, an associate at Robust Paradigms Inc. in Clearwater has now somehow “forgotten” to zip up his pants after using the restroom at work 25 times since 2023 began. “Aw, come on, Gary,” said co-worker Dennis Flavors, observing the special occasion. “Again, man? Again??” “Huh?” responded Phrenger looking down at his crotch. “Ha ha!…
In anticipation of tomorrow’s indictment of former president Donald Trump in connection with the yearslong investigation into a hush money scheme involving adult film actress Stormy Daniels, the nation’s meme makers are gearing up with an all-night brainstorming session tonight. “We’re looking forward to one of the busiest days we’ve ever had,” said online content…
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis visited Tampa yesterday for the express purpose of dining at Si-Am Thaimerican Restaurant on Franklin Street downtown. “Man, do I love some good Thigh food. The authentic stuff, like the Thigh people make in Thighland. Pad Thigh is probably my favorite. I also like Thigh Spring Rolls, Thigh Salad, Thigh-style Chicken…