Tampa News Force
Mom’s good intentions wreck Christmas
In an effort to make this Christmas special for her three small children, daughter Daphne and twin sons Ryan and Bryan, Amy Flincher of St. Petersburg has inadvertently ruined the holiday for them.“This Christmas?? I’m worried they’re going to need therapy for the rest of their lives”, she said, distraught. “I am so bad at…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
A sparring session between world-famous social-media star Andrew Tate and some random guy, turned into a 50-person, all-male orgy. “We sucked we f*cked, the whole shebang.” Said Tate. I’m sorry I can’t even write this, it was over before it even started. The headline is the only funny part, there’s no reason to expand, the…
The weather in Tampa has been very pleasant recently, and citizens have become suspicious. “It’s not scorching hot every day, and it hasn’t been raining too much, something is off.” Questioned Mary Baker, long-time Tampa resident. “Usually it doesn’t feel like this. Every year the weather changes, but not like this. It feels like I’m…
A new gameshow titled, “Herpes or Pimple” Which features contestants exposing their genitalia and then having to decide whether their opponents have herpes or simply just a pimple will be airing on ABC Family at 11:30 pm on Sundays and Mondays starting this Fall. Tampa News Force was given an advanced copy of the first…
Conspiracies have flown around the internet for a while now that wealthy elites in power consume the blood of children who have been scared to release adrenaline. (This is something that people sincerely believe.) We’re going to breakdown which party most-likely consumes more of this enriched blood. Democrat: Great with image, everything is about perception…
Tampa Bay FM radio station 108.1 “The Possum” (not to confused with Orlando FM radio station 108.7 “The Opossum”) has announced they will be switching their musical programming to a format that will feature absolutely no holiday music. “We feel there’s a real unfulfilled need in the market for music that isn’t focused entirely on…
Based off current trends, scientists have made a prediction that by the year 2030, all news will be considered fake in one way or another. “Fake in the sense that, it will revolve around some trivial topic like a celebrity or a food recipe and not actually be relevant to society.” Said Dennis Bird, lead…
Harold Kolber of Tampa was the victim of an unprovoked joy-shaming at a local restaurant earlier today. Mr. Kolber was peacefully enjoying lunch by himself at the Wuhan Fook Chinese restaurant on Dale Mabry when the Hendersons, a boisterous family of seven came in, chattering excitedly. They noisily dragged two tables together so they could…
It’s Christmas Day and somehow, you’ve gotten here without making plans for what to do. Don’t worry, we’re here to help. Here’s every way there is for you to spend Christmas if you don’t already have plans. 1. Be with family and friends, all the people who love and cherish you Yeah. Okay. Sure. If…
Yea, nice try. I’m not writing this. You think I’m crazy enough to put all religions in an order from best to worst? You’d have to be out of your mind. That’s too risky and dangerous. Which says a lot about religions that they can’t take being satirized. They can say they are, but they…
8 words have recently been removed from all dictionaries across the world in an effort to crackdown on hate speech. “If these words are never taught, or acknowledged, people will not know how to be racist or hateful.” Said Miriam Webster, inventor of the first dictionary, and severed head living in a cryogenic freezer. “People…