Tampa News Force
Howard Avenue becomes wet zone
The entirety of Howard Avenue has been declared a “wet zone,” by the local government, giving citizens the right to consume alcohol in public without fear of prosecution by the law. Behavior that was once considered taboo or “only acceptable on Gasparilla,” will now not only be legal, but encouraged by the Tampa tourism board,…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
The Tampa Bay Vipers have selected Jim Wishborough with their first pick in the new XFL’s inaugural amateur draft. Wishborough is 5’8”, 265 lbs. and is a 56-year-old sales associate with Boost Mobile. “I guess I’m honored, but mostly, I’m really confused,” said Wishborough. We reached out for a comment on his lunch break at…
A new religious cult that worships the billboards advertising a local lawyer has taken up residence in the Tampa Bay area “Look how he smiles down upon us with benevolence and love,” says follower Prudence Holeflower, dancing uninhibitedly at the base of a Dennis Hernandez billboard located at the intersection of Florida Avenue and Kay…
Popular alternative news network conglomerate, Tampa News Force, is coming out in support of the Chinese government in their efforts to stop the Hong Kong protestors. “I love China! I get all my food from there,” said Josh Santos, reporter for Tampa News Force. “I get all my riot gear from the same place as…
Save the date and get your tickets early for a special evening filled with videos, music and comedy. Featuring performances by Clark Brooks, Marie Williams, Jojo White, and Jake Brown
Derby Lane, has officially replaced all racing dogs with Florida inmates as part of a new program aiming to rehabilitate prisoners through the act of shame and embarrassment. PETA and other animal rights groups have petitioned and protested for years to stop dog races as it’s considered cruel to the animals, however Derby Lane needed…
In a study from No Fucking Way Magazine, a couple bullshit artists decided that Tampa was the third best dressed city in the country tied with Seattle. And I know you’re thinking, “Hey, he just cursed twice in the first sentence of this article, why would I want to read anything further from this potty-mouth…
Due to an influx of hurt feelings, it’s been decided that sports are too problematic for the citizens of Tampa Bay. “They’re done.” Said mayor Castor, packing her baseball mitt into the trunk of her hatchback. “Sports have been cancelled by PC culture, and our youth just can’t handle the concept of loss, it hurts…
A Tampa General Hospital doctor was honored today at a ceremony held at the Downtown Tampa Hilton Hotel for the 13th Annual Drug and Medicine Awards. Dr. Bigdler Funyon was presented with a three foot statue of a bottle of pills and a gift certificate to Wendy’s for prescribing the most fentanyl in the state…
Scientists have discovered that the climate in the Tampa area contains a specific atmosphere which is especially conducive to the potential action of female ejaculation. In what’s being called an “overtly over-sexual and unnecessary” study by city officials, was somehow able to take place after a drunken contract signing dating back to 2007. Criminal records…
A federal judge in Florida has struck down a ban on widely discredited “ex-gay” conversion therapy in Tampa, ruling the city lacks jurisdiction to enact the ordinance. In a 41-page decision, U.S. District Judge William Jung, a Trump appointee, asserted that Tampa overreached in matters reserved for the state legislature. “Well, shit,” said former mayor…