Tampa News Force
Ron DeSantis eats poop
According to a Tallahassee neighbor of the Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis is on a poop-eating rampage. The source requests to remain anonymous but provided an alias; Timmy Bananas says, “I looked over my fence one day while I was tending to my orange tree, only to see Ron on all fours with his head in…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Temple Terrace Man’s Land Seized in Florida Great Outdoors Initiative
This is a developing situation
Local and Community
Land O’Lakes – Tampa – Friday, 2.1.2019 What started out as a simple promotion by a Sunoco Gas Station in Wesley Chapel, has gone citywide in Tampa with a new push for “Minor Monday” as a way for gas stations to get rid of all their extra Four Loko’s and spiked seltzers. “Our usual booze…
Tampa History Museum – Downtown – Friday, 2.1.2019 The crown-jewel of the downtown area will have a new exhibit opening soon. The Tampa Bay History Center will officially open it’s “Big Tits” Exhibit next Friday. “It’s our breast idea yet!” Snorts Jack Bennington, Head Curator of the museum. “We really try our best here to…
Bro Bowl – Tampa – Wednesday, 1.30.2019 Two young-adults, got into a physical altercation at the world-famous, Bro Bowl skate-park, by Downtown Tampa. “I’ll tell you what happened,” says a boy with red dreadlocks. He motions me to come towards him, however his friend puts me in a headlock from behind which I barely get…
Carrolwood – Tampa – Tuesday, 1.29.2019 Tampa drivers rejoiced today as new red light launch ramps officially became operational on certain busy intersections to help ease traffic congestions. Drivers speeding and zipping in and out lanes towards a red light in rush hour traffic will now have a chance to launch their vehicles over stopped…
Tampa – Seminole Heights – Monday, 1.29.2019 “Fuck it we’ll do it live!” says president, Donald Trump, after being informed that his State of The Union Address has been pushed back and will not be allowed at the Capitol due to the government shutdown. Trump wanting to bring a DIY ethic back to Washington will…
City Hall – Downtown Tampa – Monday, 1.29.2019 Following the recent pirate attack on Tampa Bay, mayor Bob Buckhorn has pledged a better defensive effort for the upcoming night attack on Ybor City. “Gasparilla was a disaster,” a distressed Buckhorn said. “The pirate ship came right into Tampa Bay, just like it has for 115 years. Nobody put up a real…
Richard Jimenez Park – Ybor City – Monday, 1.28.2019 Richard Jimenez Park, in Ybor City, famously known as “Chicken Park” by the locals, will now home more than just our fowl friends. As of Monday, they will now be home to over a dozen new farm animals included in a new bill recently passed by…
Tampa – Channelside – Sunday, 1.27.2019 Tampa General Hospital hits unsafe occupancy levels due to hundreds of cases of herpes-infected bite-wounds this week, shortly after the return of the MS Carnival Magic from a week long “booze-cruise” to the Caribbean. “We’re totally unprepared for this sort of thing,” a Tampa General nurse, Alicia McMeirdes complains…
University of South Florida – Tampa – Saturday, 1.26.19 Retired professor of philosophy, Dr. Joel Hirschbach, has a problem with ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ books. “These books are highly problematic and dangerous for children,” says Hirschbach. “The narrative of these books leads kids to believe that there’s free will.” Hirschbach has formally filed a civil…