Tampa News Force
Tampa to Close Ybor City at 10 PM
To help new wealthy residents get eight hours of sleep, the Tampa Government announced it will shut down its notorious party district at 10 PM every night.“I love the culture of Ybor City,” said Sharron Nellie, pronouncing Ybor as ‘Why-bor’, “The only thing I don’t like is that it’s just so noisy after 10 PM.”Since…
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
For the first time in history, the State of Florida has begun issuing hunting licenses for people to hunt down and kill realtors. “About damn time,” said Harold Kinter of Tampa. “I’ve been shooting at these varmints for years. Now I can do it without worrying about getting in trouble.” The increase over the last…
Chik-fil-A, the national fast food chain specializing in chicken sandwiches has announced plans for the use of some of their locations in the Tampa Bay Area on Sundays, when the restaurants are closed. “We’re closed every Sunday so our staff can observe the biblical edict that Sunday is the Lord’s day but our restaurants themselves…
Plans for a public school mass shooting were thwarted by a plucky pooch in Palma Ceia! A young man whose name is being withheld by authorities due to him being a minor who never actually carried out a crime but is named Calvin Mooshtock was in the middle of broadcasting a threatening message about what…
An “all you can abort” buffet has opened next to the Supreme Court in protest of the overturn of Roe v Wade, which, for a flat fee, offers people, “as many abortions as they want in one sitting.” The business is meant for larger groups such as bachelorette parties or kickball teams, where for a…
Giselle Bündchen, super model and wife of Buccaneers Quarterback Tom Brady, has admitted that she forgot to do a ritual for the Tampa Lightning. “I’ve been so busy doing rituals for my own family and my husband that it just slipped my mind.” She said. “I’m sorry, I know if I had just placed a…
Two months ago to the day, June 3, we politely, humbly and respectfully demanded that you nominate us for a 2022 Best of the Bay Awards, presented by Creative Loafing. And you did it! Great job! I don’t know what we expected but THANKS! As a result, we’re one of ten finalists in the category…
Last Wednesday, Clearwater Police Department and the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office seized the guns of David Berry, who was seen on video being aggressive toward landscapers Jeremy Lee and his daughter while holding an AR-9 rifle earlier this month. On July 7, Berry confronted Mr. Lee and his daughter while they were trying to mow a…
Following what has become an established-but-annoying business trend, Tampa’s world famous Mons Venus “gentleman’s club” has announced that they will no longer offer young attractive women for the sake of providing entertainment to club patrons. “Yeah, we know people are going to be disappointed because the hot strippers were very popular, but we just can’t…
Jeff Coldblum of Bradenton was in Tampa to attend Tampa Bay Comic Con held at the Tampa Convention Center this past weekend where he was greeted with hostility due to people mistaking him for U.S. representative and probable human trafficker Matt Gaetz. “They were so mean,” said Coldblum. “All these people getting in my face…
Tom Hiddleston, the famous actor popular for his role as Loki in the Marvel universe, has signed on to headline the upcoming Okechobee festival. While it’s not clear exactly what his act will consist of, rumors are that he will be DJing. The rumors began after Hiddleston uploaded a video of himself using turntables during…