Tampa News Force
New York Sports Fan Hates Living in Florida Now
Do you root passionately for irrelevant sports teams thousands of miles away? 🚩
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
With St. Patrick’s Day coming up this week, the holiday where everyone likes to wear green and drink more than they do the rest of the year combined, we thought it would be nice to provide a list of ***BREAKING NEWS: Tom Brady is coming back to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers! Just 40 days after…
Former husband of pop star Britney Spears, Kevin Federline, has become a minority owner in Tampa’s professional ice hockey franchise. “Yea I love clouds and shit.” K Fed said. “Lightning shoots out of clouds, I like clouds, ipso-facto, I need to buy a hockey team.” He said emphasizing each part of the sentence by chopping…
Yesterday, under cold and rainy conditions, the Tampa Taco and Margarita Fest took place at Raymond James Stadium, an event that was by most accounts, a complete disaster. “Don’t look at me. I had nothing to do with it,” said rapper and actor Ja Rule. What was advertised as “TAMPA BAY’S ULTIMATE TACO FESTIVAL” was…
Randy Spragg of Seffner woke up this morning to find that an hour of his day had been taken away and he wants the President of the United States to give it back. “Biden ruins everything! He’s the worst! He’s taking away our freedom, he’s taking away inexpensive gas, he’s taking away our great relationship…
Special water fountains which infuse CBD into the water have been installed around Tampa schools with the goal to “chill the kids out” according to a memo that was passed around the Hillsborough County school board office. “The kids have been weird and annoying since the pandemic so we’re going to dose them without their…
As it pertains to CS/CS/HB 1557, what is known as the “Parental Rights in Education” bill and also referenced as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, the ownership, management and editorial staffs of Tampa News Force would like to take this opportunity to unequivocally state the organization’s official position as follows; Gay gay gay gay gay…
The Shell Oil Corporation is reporting that the 100,000 metric tons of flagship Urals crude oil it purchased from Russia at a significant discount is being routed to a specific Circle K location in Tampa. According to Shell, the controversial transaction which has drawn worldwide scorn and criticism was supposed to at least partially benefit…
During a press conference today, Mayor Jane Castor announced a new partnership with the 90s pop group Spice Girls to officially license the name Spice World. “This has been on my agenda since the first day I was sworn in as mayor,” Castor told reporters. “Tampa has a lot of people smoking spice, and it’s…
Florida wildlife officials announced today that a nearly 12-foot alligator at Silver Springs State Park near Ocala was killed today as punishment for being a nearly 12-foot alligator. Officials cited viral video from a paddleboarder that got scared when the alligator swam within inches of her in the water where he fucking lived and did…
Volodymyr Zelensky the President of the war-torn country of Ukraine is coming to Florida to perform at McCurdy’s Comedy Theatre in Sarasota next week in an effort to bring awareness to his countries plight while also raising funds for relief supplies for Ukrainian citizens. “These are not the bombs I grew up dealing with.” Zelensky…