Tampa News Force
Meh, Boomer: TNF for grown folk – March 29, 2020
I guess Millennials are off the hook now. They’re heading into their 30’s now. The real shitheads are these Gen Z shitheads. What is with these shitheads? Buncha shitheads. Here’s a week’s worth of news…Tom Brady changes mind, “Bay smells bad” – Monday, March 23 – Listen, I’ve been to Boston. It doesn’t exactly smell…
Breaking News
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club in West Palm Beach yesterday. “Governor DeSantis feels very strongly that this situation requires his immediate and personal attention,” said spokesperson Katie Beatty. “He always gets involved at this level…
Sports
USF Football Fan Commits Numerous Hate Crimes at Bulls Win Over Bethune Cookman College
Do you launch into a relentless stream of slurs when rooting for your favorite sport? 🏈🐂
Tampa Man Outraged Over Song Played at Bucs Game
Does this song being included at sporting events bother you?
Arts and Entertainment
Government
Great Outdoors Initiative Signals Big Changes for Florida’s State Parks
Do you think this will make Florida’s state parks better?
Temple Terrace Man’s Land Seized in Florida Great Outdoors Initiative
This is a developing situation
Local and Community
A necrophiliac opened a sleep study center in the plaza that has the Golden Corral in it off Highway 19. “Hey, I have sex with dead bodies, not sleeping people, I don’t see what all the fuss is about.” Said convicted necrophiliac Ned Krowfeeleak. “I’ve been rehabilitated, that’s all behind me,” Krowfeeleak said. “It’s honestly…
With the announcement of the Tampa Bay Vipers setting up shop in Plant City Stadium, Tampa News Force has partnered with the XFL to provide the latest happenings and most up-to-date news and information concerning the reboot of the XFL. This new initiative has been dubbed Viper Vision and will keep fans in the loop…
Blake Sniffler, made-up underage person and class president at Gaither High School, is re-thinking his life long ambition of a career in politics. “It’s really all I ever wanted to do, but now, man, I just don’t know,” Sniffler says. He cites “shit getting weird” as the biggest reason he now has doubts. “When I…
Pretty Ponies Gentlemen’s club has burned to the ground after a tragic incident involving a dancers vaginal flatulence catching flame during a stage performance. “Jenna” was on stage around 2:15 when she bent down and spread her legs wide open in front of Pretty Ponies’ regular James Pattington, who happened to have a Dutch Masters…
The entirety of Howard Avenue has been declared a “wet zone,” by the local government, giving citizens the right to consume alcohol in public without fear of prosecution by the law. Behavior that was once considered taboo or “only acceptable on Gasparilla,” will now not only be legal, but encouraged by the Tampa tourism board,…
After more than two years of construction and over $100 million spent on crews and materials, RiverLuxWalk Apartments has begun accepting applications for tenants with requirements that are impossible to meet. “Not only are half the rooms in this building not fully equipped to handle people living in them, most of the pipes in this…
Tampa Bay Area merchants who operate traditional brick-and-mortar retail stores are hoping to be put out of business soon, in order to lease their locations to seasonal Halloween pop-up stores. “I’m starting to get nervous; it’s September and some of those stores are already open,” says Susan Gligart, owner of Aunt Suzy’s Crafts and Yarn.…
After banning open carry by customers in its stores, a new initiative by the Lakeland-based supermarket chain hopes to save money on store security. “Everyone who works at Publix is going to be prepared for the worst,” said Publix Spokesperson Enra Aye. “We hire mostly students and old people, a demographic that rarely has a…
In what has been referred to as an extremely juvenile cyber prank, Tampa’s Busch Gardens amusement park has been re-named “Busch Fartens”. “This wouldn’t be a big deal if it was just some dumb teenager hacking our system and changing the logo on our web site,” says park spokesperson Ann Hizer. “But they actually went…
Florida Senator Rick Scott spent much of his football Sunday fielding questions from reporters about a wild, unverified claim that the Senator was in fact, born a woman. “I was not born a woman,” said Scott while chatting with me through Facebook Portal. “But I do have a record of restricting their access to affordable…