Tampa News Force
Manatee seen giving fat guy a blow job
A manatee was spotted off the south west end of the Hillsborough River giving an overweight man oral sex according to eyewitness testimonials.“It was unbelievable to see, and downright disgusting.” Said Benton Trexley, a Tampa resident who happened to be recumbent biking on the Oak Trail Path, next to the river when the incident took…
Top Headlines
Breaking News
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club in West Palm Beach yesterday. “Governor DeSantis feels very strongly that this situation requires his immediate and personal attention,” said spokesperson Katie Beatty. “He always gets involved at this level…
Sports
USF Football Fan Commits Numerous Hate Crimes at Bulls Win Over Bethune Cookman College
Do you launch into a relentless stream of slurs when rooting for your favorite sport? 🏈🐂
Tampa Man Outraged Over Song Played at Bucs Game
Does this song being included at sporting events bother you?
Arts and Entertainment
Government
Great Outdoors Initiative Signals Big Changes for Florida’s State Parks
Do you think this will make Florida’s state parks better?
Temple Terrace Man’s Land Seized in Florida Great Outdoors Initiative
This is a developing situation
Local and Community
Arrival of New Old Lady Disrupts Retirement Center Social Scene
It would appear that not everybody loves the new gal.
Seffner Walmart – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 4.25.2019 It was reported that former president, Bill Clinton, was spotted holding-hands with mega-star and current wife of Nick Jonas, Priyonka Chopra, inside of a Seffner Walmart. “I’m pretty sure it was them!” said Miss Daisy, an old woman wearing big coke-bottle eye-glasses with the chain attached to…
Orient Road Jail Road Steakhouse – Hillsborough County – Wednesday, 4.24.2019 The Tampa Police Department is currently seeking information on a wild pack of self-proclaimed climate change “Rebels” who are being accused of trespassing to clean up government property and planting hundreds of trees. “We have them on tape coming in here late at night…
Wright’s Gourmet House – Hillsborough County – Wednesday 4.24.2019 In spite of losing the Tampa mayoral run off election by a staggering margin, David Straz’s post-election party was still more fun than the soirée thrown by winner Jane Castor. “I’m a bajilionaire! Did you think we weren’t going to party tonight, no matter what?” asked…
Tampa News Force Headquarters – Hillsborough County – Tuesday, 4.23.2019 After a long internal investigation, experts concluded that Tampa News Force, is fake news. The conclusion was determined after a close study of all of their previous articles and future intentions, it was deemed that the entire business was founded on the concept of “being…
David A. Straz, Jr. Center for the Performing Arts – Hillsborough County -Tuesday, 4.23.2019 In an unprecedented move, the new official and legally elected mayor, David Straz, has made Tampa great again within a mere matter of moments. “I said I was going to do it and I did it,” said Straz, towering over all,…
There’s an old gambling term known as “the hole”. It’s when some degenerate addicted to the endorphin rush realizes he’s so deep in the hole and blown enough money that the only option is to keep going, hit after hit and pray that sooner or later it will work out. Unfortunately it usually ends poorly.…
Tampa News Force Headquarters – Uptown Tampa – Tuesday, 4.23.2019 “That’s right Tampa, my name is David Straz, you know, from the Straz building, and I’m here to officially announce that I’ve been pulling the strings over at Tampa News Force for year(s) now!” I was totally blown away by the fact that I never…
Tampa News Force Headquarters – Hillsborough County – Tuesday 4.23.2019 Archeologists have discovered ancient scrolls at the Jackson House site in Downtown Tampa which described the coming of a rich businessman who will lead the city by the Bay to claim the title of the the next ‘Great City in America’ . “I’m not one…
Tampa News Force (TNF), which was not recently purchased by an unnamed local millionaire following a clandestine meeting that probably didn’t even take place behind the Boost Mobile store, has endorsed David Straz for mayor of Tampa and whatever else he wants to do beyond that. “Strazzy is just the best,” said TNF founding member,…
Blake High School – Hillsborough County – Monday 4.22.2019 The race for mayor has taken a shocking and dark turn. After a 3 month investigation, Tampa News Force has discovered that the two remaining candidates for mayor are in fact the exact same person. The elaborate ruse was perpetrated by retired magician and comedic improviser…