Tampa News Force
Tampa man can’t shake nagging feeling he’s forgotten something
A sales associate for Boost Mobile in Tampa is positive he’s forgotten something important pertaining to Christmas, but hasn’t been able to figure out what it might be.“It’s driving me crazy”, Joe Banjoe said, sitting alone at Hattrick’s in downtown Tampa. “I just can’t put my finger on what it is.”“I don’t think it’s a…
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Gwyneth Poltroon of St. Petersburg recently left an absolutely scathing review of a local restaurant on Yelp, the web site and app that publishes crowd-sourced reviews about businesses. Poltroon recently visited Shucksters, a popular seafood restaurant in Gulfport and was extremely displeased with the music being played on the TouchTunes jukebox. “If I could give…
Reverend Rufus Queefleton of Sarasota is dismayed to learn that the book he recently published to help people learn how to ban books has been banned in libraries and public schools in Florida. “This is outrageous!” he said. “It’s a book on how to ban books. The title is “How To Ban Books”. How are…
Todd Ginfey and his live-in girlfriend Rachel Bloorb recently purchased the African American Pretty Girl Duvet Cover Set Queen Size, 3-Piece Bedding Set with Zipper Closure and Corner Ties from Amazon.com for their loft in Tampa Heights. “I gotta say, this ethnic blanket really helps me sleep better,” said Todd. “Because my conscience is clearer.”…
What are you doing right now? Well, stop it! This an emergency! All hands on deck! This is not a drill!! Seriously, what are you doing??? Eating lunch? Put that sandwich down! Filling out the monthly report? Save your work and resume later! Binge-watching some show? He/she gets killed! Don’t worry about it! This is…
Randy Borgwartz of Tampa has lived almost his entire life knowing and believing exactly one fundamental truth about nutrition… “Corn is a grain, not a vegetable,” he said. “This is an inarguable fact.” Mrs. Maggie Crumsnot, a retired lunch lady from Gorrie Elementary School said, “Oh yeah, I remember that little shit. Starting in 3rd…
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have unveiled a new jersey for fans to wear during the upcoming 2022 season, which will kick off on Sunday, September 11, against the Cowboys in Dallas, Texas. “It’s a number 12 jersey and pays tribute to not only our own Tom Brady but also Nobel Prize-winning Austrian-Irish physicist Erwin Schrödinger!”…
Tampa’s latest downtown park has opened at the corner of Morgan Street and Channelside Drive, across the street from Amalie Arena. “Communication Park” occupies approximately two square yards of greenspace near the new Water Street development district and is dominated by a large round metal sculpture titled ‘COMMUNICATION’. “We think the art sends a powerful…
Hello dear reader! I have the solution to a problem that no one has fixed yet: How can you tell (if you haven’t been listening that hard) whether someone is talking about the Babylonian god Ba’al Marduk or beloved dog cartoon Marmaduke? Fret not for the answer is here! 1. If the goddess Tiamat—god of…
Part of the heavily-redacted affidavit pertaining to the recent search of former President Donald Trump’s home in Mar-a-Lago indicates that the Department of Justice (DOJ) has had serious concerns about the handling of Top Secret documents: Tampa News Force has obtained a transcript from a DOJ representative and one of Trump’s lawyers… DOJ: We have…
Florida Senator Rick Scott took to Twitter recently to criticize President Joe Biden for going on vacation in Delaware: Scott sent these Tweets, among many, many others from a luxury yacht in Italy, where he is currently vacationing at a time when part of his job on behalf of the Republican is to win back…