Tampa News Force
USF offering new degree programs
In light of criticism over student loan forgiveness, the University of South Florida (USF) is offering degrees in a variety of new fields.“Many people have expressed concern over our curriculum, specifically that young people are enrolling here at USF to seek frivolous educations in order to escape so-called real-world responsibilities like being poor and joining…
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has released startling news about lettuce, determining that it is actually not good for people to eat. “Hoo boy, we really blew it this time!” said scientist Dr. Edmund Brunchfaster from the FDA’s lab in Tampa. “I mean big time. Just huge. Wow!” The findings that directly contradict decades…
Following Tuesday’s tightly contested 2022 Florida Democratic Party gubernatorial primary between Rep. Charlie Crist and Florida Agricultural Commissioner Nikki Fried (and apparently two other people nobody ever heard of), here are the official analysis and endorsements from Tampa News Force, which probably would have suited you better if it came out yesterday or even earlier.…
The family of Tampa’s Larry Craper, husband, father, and grandfather, learned of his recent passing after seeing a remembrance message displayed on the digital marquee outside the 2001 Odyssey gentlemen’s club on Dale Mabry. “I just assumed he had left me. I didn’t know he was dead,” said his widow, Marlene Craper. “He’s done that…
“BUS”, a new night club recently opened in Ybor City is introducing a customer service feature they hope will help them stand out from their competitors. “Hello. My name is Hector. Hector the Lector,” says an elderly Cuban man, introducing himself to me. “Hi. So, you’re like a restroom attendant?” I said, to which he…
Eye witnesses are claiming that Jason Accardi, President and CEO of 717 Parking Services Inc., was recently seen trying to knock over the historic Jackson Rooming House in downtown Tampa by leaning against it, a charge he vehemently denies. “Yeah man, he was pushing hard against it and grunting, ‘Come! On!’”said Jasper Heaves, one of…
The internet as we know it has been exposed as being consisted of no more than 32 individuals who each control 20 million accounts, to create the appearance of an enormously populated entity. “Yea, not that many people actually use the internet, it’s all us, you just don’t realize it because you’re stupid and you…
The Florida Department of Transportation (FDOT) has awarded the contract to produce roadside safety signs along the state’s highways to toy manufacturer Hasbro, who plans to utilize their patented Ouija technology. “Florida drivers tend to interpret such signage in ways that suit their own, individual personal needs. Things like speed limits, road closures and which…
Larry Landerson, formerly a sales department manager with Business Corp., a successful business corporation operating out of Rivergate Tower in downtown Tampa, has resigned due to what he feels is unfair mistreatment. “Sure, there’s always been mistreatment of certain employees there. That was part of the culture, but it wasn’t pervasive in a meaningful way…
19-year-old Caroline Schwartz of Temple Terrace hates everything about her job at Starbucks, but really hates having to make ‘pup cups’ for patrons who have dogs. “It’s bad enough that I have to do what people tell me, like, they’re better than me and I have to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ because I’m paid…
Cracker Barrel Old Country Store, Inc., commonly known as simply Cracker Barrel, the American chain of restaurant and gift stores which features a Southern country theme and serves as a bastion of extreme left-wing politics, has recently added so-called “Impossible” sausage, a plant-based protein meat substitute to their menu, meaning everyone who dines there has…