Tampa News Force
Sarasota author has book on how to ban books banned
Reverend Rufus Queefleton of Sarasota is dismayed to learn that the book he recently published to help people learn how to ban books has been banned in libraries and public schools in Florida.“This is outrageous!” he said. “It’s a book on how to ban books. The title is “How To Ban Books”. How are good…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took another huge step forward in his quest to earn the somewhat coveted Tyrant Master Badge by threatening the Special Olympics with $27 million in fines for 5,500 violations of state law for requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for attendees or participants. The Special Olympics dropped the restriction and released a…
Morning after morning, local resident Ms. Cam Ille is finding her Seminole Heights home littered like a dump, as in actual crap. The tight-nitch neighborhood is no stranger to walkers and friendly neighborhood dogs, that politely clean up their poo when the urge hits. But this hasn’t been the case lately. On repeat Ms. Ille,…
U.S. Senator Ted Cruz announced yesterday that he will be hosting a high-stakes poker night at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino in Tampa next month. “That’s right, it’s Ted’s Ridiculous Fun Poker Extravaganza and it is coming to Florida on July 4th!” he said. “What could be a more perfectly appropriate way to celebrate the…
The nominations for the 2022 Best of the Bay Awards, presented by Creative Loafing, are now open! Let’s just skip all the bullshit: We want an award and the only way we will get one is to first, get nominated and then second, get voted for. We’ll bug you about the second part later, but…
In an effort to end mass shootings, all babies born from now on will be given guns immediately at birth in an attempt to breed an evolution of humans with guns built directly into their bodies. “By familiarizing newborns with guns, we’re hoping to ultimately have a race of humans born with guns already in…
Hillsborough county legislators decided, unanimously, to overturn a piece of legislation that has been under heavy fire in recent years. The nationwide law required public schools, extracurricular activities, and certain afterschool programs to provide “participation trophies” to children whenever awards were to be given out in most cases, particularly sports events and any competition “involving…
Caleb Kyleston, a former employee of Cerealholic (now The Loft) in Ybor City is not happy with the results from the TV show Bar Rescue’s effort to revitalize the establishment. “When I found out the show was coming to Ybor to turn the place around, I thought, ‘Okay, this could be really something great’ and…
Jay Bagre of Clearwater is attracting a lot of attention from beautiful women because he plays the popular game “Words With Friends” on his phone. “It’s unbelievable! All these beautiful women reaching out to me through this game because of my vocabulary skills”, he said. “That extra year of English for Academic Purposes I took…
Tom Fidness of Tampa is amazed that ESPN’s announcers didn’t mention the Tampa Bay Lightning during tonight’s second round playoff Game 7 between the New York Rangers and Carolina Hurricanes very much. “It was all Rangers this, Hurricanes that. Like they were the only teams that matter”, said Fidness about the game between the only…
Hillsborough avenue has won a Guinness world record after having the most consistent traffic for 20 years straight. “We’ve never seen anything like this anywhere in the world.” The Guinness representative said, motioning towards the road. “There has been traffic on this road 24/7 for 20 years straight and no one seems to really understand.…