Tampa News Force
Homosassa Becomes Exclusive Gay-Black Community Named “HomoSassy”
City Hall – Homosassa – Wednesday, 2.6.2019 After a 5-4 vote between local legislators, the town of Homosassa, FL, will now officially be called “HomoSassy” and cater to only gay and black residents, exclusively. “It felt like a natural fit,” said county Urologist Nelson Mandelay. “The name is so close to homo-sassy, and I mean…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Temple Terrace Man’s Land Seized in Florida Great Outdoors Initiative
This is a developing situation
Local and Community
Blake High School Performing Center – Hillsborough County – Wednesday 2.27.2019 A show being presented at Blake High School is confusing theater patrons who desperately want to see the wildly popular “Hamilton”, currently in residence at the Straz Center. The show, titled “Hamburton”, is an original production by director Tony B’ll B’ll. “Hamilton” is a…
Hillsborough County – Tampa – Wednesday, 2.27.2019 In a shockingly-shameful discovery, a preschool teacher at Bob Evans Elementary has been caught sleeping with one of her students, due to leaked text messages by the child. “I’ll come over and goo-goo your gaga later ;)” said Clarissa Piven, the teacher under arrest. “Why does our 2-year-old…
Ybor City – Hillsborough County – Tuesday, 2.26.2019 Tampa is the newest city to likely see e-scooters motoring alongside pedestrians on city sidewalks. A proposed ordinance would allow scooters on sidewalks south of MLK Jr. Boulevard between Armenia Ave and 40th Street, a 12-square mile area that does not include East 7th Ave in Ybor…
Gulfport Port-O-John Center – Pinellas County – Monday, 2.25.2019 Missing USF student and Gasparilla celebrant, Brandon Chisney, has been found safe and sound in a portable toilet at an arts festival in nearby Gulfport. “I had a tent at the festival, displaying my various pieces featuring stuffed sea birds nailed to driftwood”, says the man…
Bayshore – Hillsborough County – Monday, 2.25.2019 If you’ve ever walked down Bayshore Boulevard, you may have noticed that fish sometimes unexplainably, jump out of the water. Many speculated reasons why this may be, but up until recently, nobody knew the official answer. Now, scientists have proven that the reason the fish have been jumping…
State Fair Grounds – Tampa – Monday, 2.25.2019 After the success of the once-again, flawless execution of the Florida State Fair, city officials are considering the Ferris wheel as a potential full-time form of alternative transportation. “The wheel goes round,” motions Kelvin in a circular pattern. “The bigger the wheel, the further it travels when…
Tampa Social Club – Hillsborough County – Sunday 2.24.2019 Speaking to a standing room crowd at Tampa’s most prestigious social club, Florida Governor Ron Desantis started by thanking the crowd and then coughed…for a while. One of his aides rushed to the stage and handed him a cup of water. He reached for the cup…
Tampa Heights – Tampa – Saturday, 2.23.2019 Between the hours of 1-3 AM on Friday night/Saturday morning, one [REDACTED] posted in the comments section of Tampa News Force journalist John Jacobs’ personal Facebook profile page, “This a piece of shit article that shows no compassion for people with disabilities and mental illness. So for you…
Hip Gentrified Area of Town – Hillsborough County – Saturday, 2.23.2019 In response to a recent announcement that the local book and record store “Poplar Music & Books” will be closing at the end of April, thousands of would-be shoppers are expected to avoid a rally to support the failing retailer. “It’s ridiculous and I’m…
Tampa Meteorology Center – Hillsborough County – Friday, 2.22.2019 As Florida’s six week winter comes to a close, so do the mouths of residents who eat ass. It’s late February, it’s 85 degrees, swamp ass is back. Luckily for local love birds we had a Valentine’s Day under 70 degrees so it was safe to…