Tampa News Force
Millennial Bar Opens in Downtown Tampa
Hotel District – Hillsborough County – Monday, 5.20.19To compete with the Gen X bar phenomena, a new millennial themed bar has opened, featuring various items from the childhood of a millennial.While Gen X showcases things like a giant pile of TV’s with a Super Nintendo connected, just like we all had, the millennial bar will…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Regionally recognized body modification artist, Jeal Layone, sadly passed away today during an altercation on US19 while pierced to the hood of a 1996 Plymouth Breeze. “It was always a dream of his to pierce daddy’s car to his nutsack,” said Leslie Layone, Jeal’s younger sister and assistant. “I tried to tell him it was…
“This bores me,” announced pop superstar Taylor Swift during Friday night’s show at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa. “Screw it. I’m not performing tomorrow.” The sudden surprise edict came near the end of the second of three scheduled, sold out concerts. Thursday’s show happened without incident. “What am I even doing this for? My own…
Tampa City Emergency Officials have announced that in spite of their best efforts that they have been unable to contain Taylor Swift and that citizens should take necessary steps to save themselves because the city is in imminent danger. “We thought that we had her contained within Raymond James Stadium, the area’s biggest – and…
Upon completion of the purchase of a 2012 Hyundai Accent from Johnny Barnes Jr. of Town and Country, Tampa’s Kevin Castillo immediately began removing a memorial tribute to Barnes’ deceased father, upsetting him in the process. Castillo found the car advertised on Craigslist Tuesday and went over to purchase it for the listed price of…
In a stunning turn of events, the newly appointed Mayor for the City of Tampa has fired the democratically elected mayor. “When I asked Taylor Swift to be our mayor for a day, I thought it would a fun photoshoot opportunity,” said Castor as she cleaned out her desk. “The last thing I expected was…
Making his first appearance since his reported suicide, disgraced sex-criminal billionaire, Jeff Epstein made a surprise entrance during a Tampa Fringe Festival show. The show taking place was “Islands in the Wind” a humorous one woman show about a girl who survived life on a billionaire sex island, a satire aimed at Jeff Epstein’s estate,…
The positioning of a small, red triangle on the cover of a pop music CD is being considered proof that a secret cabal is controlling the world. “They put the triangle there to show you!” Said Brevard Young, an avid scholar dedicated to imagery and ancient scripture. “The triangle represents a pyramid! And the pyramid…
For the first time in Tampa’s history, the city has gone a full day without any news. “Nothing happened today.” Said, Peck Bretters, Editor in Chief at Tampa News Daily. “The phones were quiet, nobody walked through the door, it was just nothing.” Bretters sighed. “Well at least I get a story out of it!”…
Tampa, a once glorious city, has become overpopulated and polluted thanks to the pandemic pushing American immigrants into the city, driving up prices, diminishing resources, and overpacking land. The city is officially back to being the shit hole it once was before it’s rise to greatness. But such is the balance of nature, and once…
A 52-year-old Michigan man who insists on being referred to as a “kid” dislikes the fact that there are people who identify as LGBTQ+, a term that embraces diverse sexual and gender identities, such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and more, because it’s unpatriotic or something. Disturbingly, this has become an increasingly popularly-held opinion…