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Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Today is the grand opening of the annual Strawberry Festival, also known as “like the State Fair, only better” but regular visitors may notice a conspicuous absence from this year’s festivities: no dunking booth clown. Scuzzo The Clown, who has been berating carnival goers with insults to frustrate or motivate or both for years, has…
The highly sought laptop computer that once belonged to President Joe Biden’s son Hunter has turned up at a Tampa gentleman’s club, the legendary and notorious Mons Venus. In October 2020, a controversy emerged involving data from a laptop that belonged to Hunter Biden that was abandoned at a Delaware computer shop. Since then, some…
Top Florida State security officials have confirmed that Governor Ron DeSantis has survived the month of February, also known as “Black History Month”, unscathed. “There are still a few hours left, but we’re pretty sure he’ll make it,” said Florida State Police spokesperson Lou Scannon. “The odds of him being exposed to any references to…
Nothing. It’s a lie. I lied to you. I’m sorry. I don’t like lying, I think it’s bad, I don’t think people should do it, lord knows I shouldn’t do it. But you know what? Times are tough for everyone and sometimes the only way to make your nut is to spin tales to strangers.…
A man in a bar in St. Pete overshared to a group of people he didn’t know because he doesn’t have friends so he doesn’t know what’s socially appropriate. Jenith Barzone, a computer software destructor, was hanging out in Coopers Copperbarrel Cocktail House and Brewery on 1st avenue, when he found himself at the bar…
One thing you often hear from gun advocates in the wake of a mass shooting is, “guns aren’t at fault; it could have just as easily been a psycho with a hammer”. And just because that never happens doesn’t mean they’re wrong. You are just as subject to being the victim of a mass hammering…
A new initiative amongst the entire government encouraging its employees to be “open and honest about corruption” has officially gone underway. “All politicians on every level are now required to be honest about the dishonest things they do in penalty of being fired.” Said Debrah Demoykins, speaker of the Government Regulations Organization, a group I…
The Palma Ceia Little League Minor B Rangers have gone into hiding to practice for the upcoming season due to the DeSantis administration’s recent efforts to suppress Black history education initiatives. “I don’t think it necessarily qualifies as Black history,” said Rangers head coach Greg Sanders. “But I guess you really can’t be too careful…
An account on twitter with over 5 million followers, popular for its news on lunar eclipse, incorrectly reported that a lunar eclipse was taking place last night, however it turned out that the users brother was dangling his nuts in front of his telescope, causing a silhouette. “I apologize to all my followers for the…
Tyler Gertle, a self-described “superfan” of the XFL’s Tampa Bay Vipers has just become aware that his favorite team doesn’t even exist anymore. “I was at Applebees Saturday night and there was some football game on, between teams representing Houston and Orlando. I was like, ‘oh, Orlando has a new lower tier, bush league football…