Tampa News Force
Tampa man thrilled with fabulous new Proud Boys merch
Russell Wheedler of Tampa is a member of the controversial far-right organization known as the “Proud Boys”, a group with a history of engaging in violent confrontations and that has been associated with white supremacy movements. He is very excited about new Proud Boys merchandise, clothing and accessories suddenly available for sale.“I can’t wait to…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Following Roe v. Wade‘s overturn, women all around the country “literally can’t even” get an abortion. Well this affects women everywhere and men who are allergic to latex, it seems to be affecting others as well. “He seems so jovial, so full of life,” says Oldsmar Planned Parenthood director, Lisa Cummings. “We showed up today…
A man claiming to be from the future is claiming that the Lightning win 65 straight Stanley Cups in the coming years. Jedidiah Bunchkin, a professional time traveler, showed up to the Tampa News Force offices and said that the Lightning would win 65 championships in the future, and I told him that we lost…
WTSP’s Autumn Robertson announced on her Facebook page today that she has accepted a position with a television station in Los Angeles. “Some big, personal news… ✨I’ll be joining the fantastic team at Spectrum News 1 in beautiful Los Angeles, California as their new weekday morning meteorologist.” – Autumn Robertson, via Facebook Robertson is originally…
In a new bombshell discovery regarding Hitler’s mother’s diaries, the deceased former leader of Germany’s mother was planning to terminate the pregnancy if it were not for strict Austrian abortion laws. “I just have a really bad feeling about this baby” read an entry from Adelaide Hitler, Adolph’s mother. “I feel it squirming around my…
Emergico Systems Inc., a Tampa-based company that manufactures emergency response equipment has announced that they are recalling their new line of TeleTek6000® emergency call boxes following a recent failed beta-testing trial of the units at a school in a small town somewhere in Texas. “The way they were supposed to work is, in the event…
Now that NASA’s new James Webb Space Telescope is operational and transmitting spectacular, incredibly detailed infrared light images of a nearby, young, star-forming region called NGC 3324 in the Carina Nebula, the Hubble Space Telescope has been rendered basically obsolete. “Yeah, I guess they don’t need good ol’ Hub anymore,” said the Hubble with a…
In a shocking first, Town ‘n’ Country has become the first area in the US to make abortion mandatory for all women who become pregnant within the census designated place (CDP). “I mean, come on,” said Jane Castor, mayor of the Tampa. While Roe v Wade gave women the RIGHT to an abortion, no federal…
With the rise of rent here in Florida, the everyday worker’s has gone up as well. While this has hit every industry from food service to pharmacists, the biggest drain on our wallets has to be happy endings after a massage. The cost of a happy ending used to be somewhere around $80 here in…
Phillip Softmoss of St. Petersburg visited the Walt Disney World theme park in Orlando for the first time last weekend and was dismayed that he could find nothing related to his favorite Disney film, “Gus”. “How? How is that possible?” he lamented. “It’s easily the best film Disney has ever made, a cinematic achievement that…
Tampa’s Rick Scudlen decided he would help his 8-year-old daughter Caitlyn boost her sales of Girl Scout cookies this year. “She’s a tough little competitor so she wants to sell the most cookies. She gets that from her old man,” chuckled Scudlen, a sale associate at Robust Paradigm Shifters Inc., a company occupying an office…