Tampa News Force
Mike Myers seeking MCU franchise character
Canadian actor, comedian, director, producer and screenwriter Mike Myers is looking for a Marvel Comics character he can play in a series of Marvel Cinematic Universe films for the next several years.“Out of all the characters created by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby and others, there has to be at least one whose super power is…
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Eye witnesses confirmed that a homeless man on 7th avenue in Ybor was in fact the son of God, Jesus Christ, the messiah. “This is exactly what I was afraid of.” Said Ed Edeneddy. “We were walking back from one of those loud bars where drinks are expensive and it cost a lot to sit…
Bourbon Grandelson, CEO and co-founder of Newton’s Bulges, a company which increases the size of a mans bulge in his pants through a plastic shield technology, has committed a costly accident after accidentally ordering 15,000 units of a bulge model made from the wrong material. “I was supposed to order the standard molten plastic with…
Two weeks after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock on live television at the Academy Awards, many people are still having difficulty processing what happened and the sudden monumental impact the incident will have on society, in spite of the fact that people have been behaving like ill-tempered savages for centuries. “Yeah, I still can’t believe…
You ate at Wawa for breakfast, lunch, and dinner the last 6 days. If you think Wawa is an acceptable place to eat 3 times a day you are from Tampa. You cut the front of the I-4 line You’ve realized that you can drive directly to the front of the line to merge with…
God, the revered, reviled, feared, ineffable, unpredictable and misunderstood supreme Christian deity, is very angry that the Tampa Tarpons have a female manager, according to a self-appointed human spokesperson. “The Almighty takes a dim view of this kind of abomination,” said Delores Shtiffy of Seffner, referring to Rachel Balkovec, the first female manager in the…
A man in Westchase who just finished having sex has been nominated the president of the United States after an overwhelming write-in effort from supporters. Ted Clazinsky, ran on a platform of clear minds and clear thoughts, unfettered by sexual desires, won the popular vote with %65 of voters choosing him. “Yea, I just had…
Local pornographer Scummo Johannsen has been granted membership to the prestigious Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the organization that presents the Oscar Awards every year, due to Will Smith resigning his membership. Johannsen, who produces low-budget porn that he shoots in a rented self-storage unit on Waters Avenue with local amateur performers, expressed…
A new car wash on Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa recently held a grand opening and enlisted the help of an inflatable dancing tube man to draw the attention of prospective customers, a marketing tactic that failed to produce the desired results. “I expected the inflatable dancing tube man to amuse and delight people with his…
Following the contentious Supreme Court confirmation hearing for Ketanji Brown Jackson, in which several questions were raised about children’s literature for some reason, discarded Halloween decorations and US Senators Rick Scott (R-FL) and Ted Cruz (R-TX) have announced a new reading program for kids, “Read With Uncles Rick And Ted”. “We feel like we really…
Doug and Amanda Schbluth of Tampa Heights are selling their home, which happens to be the most unique house in the city: it’s the only structure in Tampa not built on top of an abandoned black cemetery. “That certainly isn’t why we bought it,” said Doug. “But it is why we’re selling it.” “We’ve always…