Tampa News Force
Vaccinated creep eager to start giving unsolicited hugs again
Denny Dexter of Palm Harbor has recently been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 and can’t wait to start hugging women who don’t want him to hug them.“I feel good about it. And women should too”, he said. “Because it’s completely safe. There’s nothing bad that can happen as a result of me approaching some unsuspecting babe,…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Tampa Couple Makes Mashed Potatoes for Trunksgiving
Bob and Carol Tednalice of Tampa, inspired by how much fun they had this year with their first time participating in Trunk-or-Treat, the Halloween tradition where participants decorate their cars’ trunks with Halloween themes and pass out candy to children, are hoping to continue the fun with Trunksgiving. “We had heard of Trunk-or-Treat but didn’t…
The current leader of the Islamic terrorist organization, ISIS, Tara Rist is under fire after a past Tweet resurfaced in which the figurehead was bashing the Swedish community. “The Swedes are anything but Sweet.” The Tweet read. “If it were up to me, they would all drown with those damn gummy fish they created.” When…
Former President Donald Trump has responded to reports that there has been communication between the National Archives and Records Records Administration (NARA) and the House Oversight Committee acknowledging that classified records were found in boxes at Mar-a-Lago after Trump left office. “Yeah? So what?” he said in a press conference yesterday. “It wasn’t, like, super-classified…
The eternal question of which location has more women willing to engage in immediate sexual activity has plagued the minds of Tampa citizens for centuries, however with careful consideration and study, we can learn definitively which side of the bridge homes more whores. To do so, we must break down each side. Tampa Tampa has…
Tampa, FL—Joseph Robinette Rogan recently announced that he will be spending the next year as a visiting lecturer of Physics at the University of South Florida. His new comments about Einstein localities and hidden variables have brought controversy to the new hire. “Listen, man, what I care about are Einstein localities. Have you heard about…
Three of Tampa Bay’s best up-and-coming humorists have reached an impasse over what is officially the best “50 Cent is fat” joke. Curtis James Jackson III, better known by his stage name 50 Cent, appeared at the Super Bowl LVI halftime show, performing his signature hit song “In da Club”. Mr. Jackson, or Mr. Cent,…
Disney+ Sponsored Marvel Studios Productions is reportedly bringing in some deep cuts for its upcoming multiversal-centric film. Latest leaks from the set of ‘Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness’ reveal some surprise cameos from the classic 2008 American superhero spoof comedy film ‘Superhero Movie’. Unannounced reshoots on location in Tampa Bay were photographed by…
The University of South Florida has lost its accreditation after an accident involving a live bull took place on their campus during school spirit week. A live 500-pound Cuban bull was released into the Ronald M. Donald cafeteria on Tuesday, which wreaked havoc and caused millions of dollars in damage. It went on a rampage…
5. Explore the Hillsborough River Boasting over 60 miles of explorable waterways running through Tampas most desirable neighborhoods, exploring the Hillsborough river is one of the best things couples can do for fun outside the bedroom in this city. From walking along the world famous Riverwalk, to a stand-up paddle board session or a deep…
Valentine’s Day plans took a turn for a Tampa couple after late visits to a CVS. “I’ve been trying to break up with this chick for a while and she’s just not getting the hint,” said Jake Blacher. “I decided I would just do the most basic, cheap Valentine’s Day date possible and she would…