Tampa News Force
Bucs excited to try out new protective headgear
When the Tampa Bay Buccaneers kick off the 2022 season tonight in Dallas against the Cowboys, they’ll be sporting new helmets, designed by the Nintendo corporation for maximum protection against head injuries.“Nobody is as ahead of the curve in terms of protecting their characters more than the video game industry,” said Mike Rivers, Buccaneers Player…
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Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Adolf Hitler has appeared back in the public eye for the first time since the second World War. Claiming he’s used a time machine to travel to the future to stop Kanye from making antisemitic remarks, Hitler explained, “You’re only allowed to travel to the future, that’s how the technology of my time machine works,…
Air Force personnel at MacDill Air Force base are using North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) technology to track the movements of sexual predators around the Tampa Bay Area this Halloween in order to protect trick-or-treaters and other holiday celebrants. “It’s the exact same way NORAD tracks Santa Claus at Christmas,” said Major Cassandra McGraw…
Tonight, we at Tampa News Force will celebrate the recent publishing of our 2,000th article with a FREE party at Café Hey in downtown Tampa on Sunday, October 30th from 4pm until 8pm, sponsored by Mean But Clean Soap. There will be refreshments (FREE BEER!), entertainment, awards given out and a John Jacobs Estate Sale…
Joe Blanc, a marketing expert under contract by Tampa News Force (TNF) to promote Sunday’s TNF 2000th Article Celebration / Free Beer Estate Sale Costume Contest has been relieved of his duties effective immediately. “We hired Joe to spin a sign to draw some visibility to the event, you know, really flamboyant, elaborate dance routines…
The Buccaneers tragic loss last night has forced star quarterback Tom Brady to reconsider the prospect of love. “Maybe I’ve been focused on the wrong ring.” Tom said right into my eyes. “I mean I have so many already, but I haven’t paid attention to the most important one.” I then cried, reeling from the…
Following the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 21-3 loss to the Carolina Panthers this past Sunday, their second consecutive loss to an opponent perceived to be far inferior, Rich Knuckler of Tampa has declared that the team’s season is over. The announcement came from the couch in his living where he watches all the games on television,…
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and Florida Senator Rick Scott have been invited by Tampa News Force to appear at the TNF 2000th Article Celebration / Free Beer Estate Sale Costume Contest, this Sunday, October 30th at Café Hey in Tampa for the sake of being presented with special meritorious achievement awards. The following was sent…
In town this afternoon for lunch at Seasons 52 at the Westshore Plaza, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was either unwilling or unable to tell a server if he wanted regular coffee or decaf. “I greeted him and asked if he’d like to start out with a beverage, the way I do with every customer,” said…
Last night at the Armature Works complex just north of downtown Tampa, the America First Policy Institute hosted a “Women’s Initiative” event, featuring appearances by Pam Bondi, Kellyanne Conway, Dr. Alveda King, Linda McMahon, Brooke L. Rollins, Carla Sands and Pastor Paula White-Cain. Local megachurch pastor and White-Cain’s ex-husband Randy White was denied access. “Baby,…
Officials at Busch Gardens in Tampa have announced that a giant rat that looks like Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson was born recently at the theme park/zoological attraction’s nursery. “We noticed there was something seriously wrong with the hideous mutation almost immediately, but it was made apparent when the creature’s own mother rejected it,” said…