Tampa News Force
Top 5 Fastest ways to Hell
Most religions describe a place you end up if you don’t live accordingly. That place is usually described as filled with pain and eternal suffering. While some think that place may be metaphorical, it’s up to the the individual to decide what they put their faith in. Today we’re going to countdown the 5 quickest…
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Clarissa Faircloth of Tampa is recovering from a severe shaming received via text message from her mother after helping someone pay for their groceries yesterday. “Wow. Not the reaction I was expecting, that’s for sure,” she said. Faircloth was shopping at the Publix at Hillsboro Plaza and found herself behind a woman at the checkout…
Mother’s day is the only day of the year when people pretend to love their moms. Because of this, most places in Tampa will be swarming with families dragging around their family’s matriarch to show them the good time they never had while raising them. If you need some ideas and tips for where to…
This list is intended specifically for comedians currently practicing their craft in the Tampa Bay Area. That doesn’t mean non-comedians and/or non-local residents can’t read it, just that those people might not get any value from it, unless they’re planning to attack a local comedian at some point and want to see what they might…
A popular local FM radio station that generates most of its content from the self-defined “crazy” behavior exhibited in news stories from the general public, as well as their own on-air staff, has announced plans to spend part of one Saturday later this month treating mental health as if it’s a serious issue. “105.2 The…
Stephanie Ragnarok of Dunedin gets excited on May 5th every year and this year is no exception. “It’s Cinco de Mayo, baby!” she said. “Party like a chihuahua! Mexican civil war! Wooooo!” Cinco de Mayo is a yearly celebration held on May 5, which commemorates the anniversary of Mexico’s victory over the French Empire at…
Gavin Blublocher of St. Petersburg, an amateur social commentator on various internet platforms, has become dismayed that his vision of a dystopian future is coming to pass. “I watched ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ a couple of years ago and I Tweeted about it one time,” he said. “and now this… all of it… it’s all… happening!“…
A Tampa man who has been stuck in traffic behind a rented Penske box truck for three miles is resigned to the fact that he will be stuck in traffic behind this rented Penske box truck forever. Randy Cladner, who is just trying to get to his job at Associated Business Company Inc. in downtown…
Herb Clamstraddler of St. Petersburg has been compiling data from a sleep study he has been conducting on himself for the last six weeks and is now prepared to share his results. “First of all, I would like to express my appreciation to the media and esteemed members of the scientific community for being here…
Canadian actor, comedian, director, producer and screenwriter Mike Myers is looking for a Marvel Comics character he can play in a series of Marvel Cinematic Universe films for the next several years. “Out of all the characters created by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby and others, there has to be at least one whose super power…
Annthrax Nightshade, a frequent visitor to The Castle in Ybor City has adapted the much-derided ‘Karen’ hairstyle as a form of sardonic social commentary. “I’m used to people prejudging me based on my appearance,” she said. “Here’s another reason to gawk at me, motherfuckers.” The hairstyle features an inverted bob or lob cut, also known…