Tampa News Force
Donald Trump to hold State of the Union at Seminole Heights Independent Bar and Cafe
Tampa – Seminole Heights – Monday, 1.29.2019“Fuck it we’ll do it live!” says president, Donald Trump, after being informed that his State of The Union Address has been pushed back and will not be allowed at the Capitol due to the government shutdown. Trump wanting to bring a DIY ethic back to Washington will now…
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Tampa Couple Makes Mashed Potatoes for Trunksgiving
Bob and Carol Tednalice of Tampa, inspired by how much fun they had this year with their first time participating in Trunk-or-Treat, the Halloween tradition where participants decorate their cars’ trunks with Halloween themes and pass out candy to children, are hoping to continue the fun with Trunksgiving. “We had heard of Trunk-or-Treat but didn’t…
Popular stand up comedian Louis C.K. has opened a corporate creative space, giving Tampa businesses the opportunity to open offices in C.K.’s new warehouse work space. “I like Tampa, and I want to do something good for the city.” Said C.K. in a way that was really funny because of how he emphasized certain words…
Unfortunately you won’t always be in the best position to go to brown town, so for these unenjoyable occasions, here are some tips to keep yourself from shitting your pants. Focus on breathing Your diaphragm is going to be expanding and retracting as you inhale and exhale, and during these moments, the muscles in your…
Popular supermarket chain Publix has announced that they are suing a couple of companies for trademark infringement due to a “confusingly similar” usage of the letter ‘P’ in their logos. The lawsuit says Pharmapacks is an “enablement platform and retail seller” that markets and sells health and beauty products directly to consumers, including people who…
Aries The big highlight of your month: 5 total hugs. Taurus You’ll kiss a boy for the first time this month. F****t. Gemini You’ll manage to pull so much of a blog or podcast out of the next job that will fire you. Cancer Vampires are real. They told me about you. You specifically. I…
Darren McVork of St. Petersburg is currently holding a candlelight vigil at the WaWa on 4th Street North for all the departed breakfast Sizzli Breakfast Sandwiches at that particular location. “I walked in and saw that they were all gone. How? How could this happen?!?”, he said. “In this day and age, it shouldn’t be…
Phillip McGooley of Brandon does not understand the meaning behind a catchphrase that has become increasingly popular lately, nor how he’s expected to respond to it. “I get that it’s a positive thing, meant to show support for or perhaps inspire Brandon”, he said. “And that’s great. But are they talking about the town where…
A tree in a quiet residential neighborhood off Pinehurst Road in Dunedin is suddenly the subject of unwanted attention because of what looks like the image of Jesus Christ appearing in its branches. The tree, a Florida Sugar Maple, is perplexed. “It’s not like I’m a new tree; I’m not a sapling. I’ve looked like…
Recently acquitted vigilante paramedic Kyle Rittenhouse visited Florida recently, for the purpose of scouting locations for a new chain of shooting ranges for children. “We’ve decided the Tampa Bay Area is a prime location for this business model. We plan to open several locations in Hillsborough and Pinellas counties”, said Brian Redwave, Rittenhouse’s business manager.…
Tampa Bay Rays manager Kevin Cash has been named Manager of the Year for Subway’s Tampa Bay Region, Tampa Division, Hillsborough Avenue Between Florida Avenue and Sheldon Road, Not Located Within a Radiant Gas Station District. “This is a very prestigious award”, said Cash. “I feel really honored. At first, I wasn’t too psyched about…
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was spotted at International Mall returning a pair of Louis Vuitton sunglasses to the Louis Vuitton store. “They made me wait in that line outside just to return these.” DeSantis shook his head addressing the gathering of press outside of the store. “They were just too expensive, I couldn’t do it.”…