Tampa News Force
Florida Election Results: Liberals Realize they Don’t Bang Enough
After realizing that Donald Trump easily defeated Joe Biden in a popularity contest, Liberals in Florida took a good hard look at their sex spreadsheets. “I’m just not reproducing at the speed that I should I have compared to my Republican ‘Compadres’,” said Shimrod Orangotan, a man who admitted to me that he hasn’t had…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Todd’s Couple’s Superstore – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 5.16.2019 Tampa is a city well known for its strip clubs, steakhouses, and strip club/steakhouse hybrids. Clearly we are a city of taste. No other place better displays the myriad tastes of the Tampa bay area than does Todd Couples Superstores. Tampa News Force had the opportunity…
Tampa Boys Health Clinic – Hillsborough County – Wednesday, 5.15.2019 In an effort to make sure the next generation of Tampa citizens grow up big and strong, the City of Tampa has passed sweeping legislation making it illegal for males to masturbate and “kill their seed”. “Any boy or guy I catch reaching for that…
Tampa – University of Tampa – Wednesday, 5.15.19 The entire University of Tampa was raided Wednesday morning when it was discovered that not only was underage drinking occurring in the dorms, but there was also drinking going on amongst the entire staff at the school at all times of the day. Teachers, Maintenance, Deans and…
Tampa, like many other cities in America and the rest of the world, has a lot of restaurants. Among these restaurants are subsets, such as seafood, barbecue and foreign. The very best subset among these is the diner, home of all-day breakfast, chili and people passed out in booths. Why are these beloved establishments referred…
Presley’s Fruit Truck – Leon County – Tuesday, 5.14.19 Governor Ron DeSantis was caught stealing a guava out the back of a fruit truck in West Tallahassee in a bizarre turn of events which has led the governor to attempting to pardon himself. DeSantis was blackout drunk after a fundraising event when he stumbled onto…
Czar – Hillsborough County – Monday, 5.13.2019 As part of an attempt to start a riot in the streets of Ybor City, Aaron Carter announced a free benefit concert at a local venue that can only hold 500 people max. “When people hear the word ‘free’ they freak out,” said Czar Events Manager Micardo Rondriguez.…
Tampa News Force HQ – Hillsborough County – Monday, 5.13.19 After an unfortunate self diagnosis, it appears that one of Tampa News Force staff reporter has contracted Hepatitis A. “Yea it sucks,” said John Jacobs. “My eyelids hurt, so I googled it, and it said I might have Hepatitis A, and I don’t have health…
Brooke Hogan Library and Neighborhood Restoration Center – Hillsborough County – Sunday, 5.12.2019 In an incredibly fast turn of events, Jane Castor has accomplished all the goals she laid out during her campaign in less than two weeks. “Hasn’t even felt like I’ve been done with my first few hours as mayor,” Castor said while…
BrownWater Cafe – Pinellas County – Sunday, 5.12.2019 In an unprecedented move, local comedian Jeremy Sperling announced that he was sick and tired of PC culture, to a crowd of stunned onlookers at the BrownWater Cafe’s open mic night. The straight white man added that people are too sensitive, and he just doesn’t care if…
United Business Corporation Solution Solvers, Inc. – Hillsborough County – Friday, 5.10.2019 Local motivational speaker and self-help guru Glenda Harmusch is actually not a real person, but a collection of arbitrary catchphrases dressed up to look like a human being. Harmusch, or rather the sack of random, would-be miniature life lessons that comprise ‘her’, has…