Tampa News Force
White People okay with re-casting of show this time
Having been released nearly three weeks ago on Netflix, the global streaming platform has announced that the series is due to be rebooted and that Academy Award winner Jamie Foxx will portray the notorious serial killer in the new version.“I think that’s great,” said Blanche Pastee of Temple Terrace. “He’s talented. He won an Oscar…
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Temple Terrace Man’s Land Seized in Florida Great Outdoors Initiative
This is a developing situation
Local and Community
Lowry Park Area – Hillsborough County – Friday, 2.23.2019 In an effort to bring in more millennials, the Tampa Zoo has decided to replace all of its animals with painted strippers. “We’ve tried every single thing we could, but for some reason the only people who want to come here are kids and their parents,”…
Ybor Brewing – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 2.21.2019 Ybor Brewing has announced an official release date for its much anticipated “Shoe Licker IPA,” an homage to the infamous Ybor “Shoe Licker.” “It was a long time coming,” said Seth Spltiner, brew-master over at Ybor Brewing. “We all know who he is, we’ve seen him for…
Land O’Lakes Strip Mall – Pasco County – Thursday, 2.21.2019 A Pasco County resident is suing Lil Gamerz, a 501(c)(3) charity based in Land O’ Lakes, over what he claims was a bad experience at a recent fundraiser. The event, “Run For Red Dead,” featured a 5K race, as well as a one mile Fun Run.…
City Hall – Tampa – Wednesday, 2.20.2019 In a boldly sexual-progressive move, the city has moved forward with it’s bizarre proposal to install sexual-release, “suck booths” around the city, allowing users to “get off,” allowing them to release all sexual frustration at a moments notice. “I don’t know.” Says city councilman, Nick Donnar, as he…
TNF Headquarters – Hillsborough County – Wednesday 2.20.2019 After a particularly ineffective round table discussion on the direction of news coverage for the Tampa News Force (TNF) website, editors accidentally agreed to publish a series of weird erotica stories that may or may not contain actual news. “It was a momentary lapse in reasoning,” says…
City Hall – Tampa – Tuesday, 2.19.2019 “That was embarrassing,” says aforementioned Council Commissioner Rick Stone. “It’s a long story, involving an inside-joke/prank between me and some local kids, but that’s not at all what I was hoping would happen, and boy do I have egg on my face.” He pauses, “…White on my face.”…
Tampa Ford – Hillsborough County – Monday 2.18.2019 In an effort to minimize the number of assholes on the road, Hillsborough County has set a cap to number of Ford F150s being sold. “We hope this initiative will help alleviate road congestion, and make it a little easier to merge on the highway,” says Tampa…
Tampa Wastewater Treatment Center – Hillsborough County – Sunday 2.17.2019 Bob Buckhorn has announced today that the City of Tampa will begin the addition of Human Growth Hormone (HGH) to its public reservoir. “I believe this is a necessary step in order for us to transform our citizens from scrawny-ass pencil necks, into the muscle-bound…
Tropicana Field – St. Pete – Saturday, 2.16.2019 It’s only February, but that’s not too early for the Rays to begin their yearly “Manta-Claus” Stingray beauty pageant talent search. Every year, hundreds of fans compete to see whose stingray is the jolliest, and crown the Christmas Ambassador for the Rays. “I’m so excited, I think…
West Tampa – Hillsborough County – Friday 2.15.2019 Road work. It’s the pride and joy of the Tampa Bay Area; but how original is it? A recent archeological discovery by the University of Tampas own Dr. Anita BettaJobu, sheds new light to exactly how long construction has actually been going on. Discovered at a recent dig…