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Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Tampa Couple Makes Mashed Potatoes for Trunksgiving
Bob and Carol Tednalice of Tampa, inspired by how much fun they had this year with their first time participating in Trunk-or-Treat, the Halloween tradition where participants decorate their cars’ trunks with Halloween themes and pass out candy to children, are hoping to continue the fun with Trunksgiving. “We had heard of Trunk-or-Treat but didn’t…
Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady ended a week of speculation about his future by officially announcing his retirement from the NFL at a party he hosted at Hooters on Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa today. “It’s cold outside, Gasparilla is a huge mob scene so I figured why not throw a little get together at…
Bringing you the horoscope once again is our resident Horoscopologist, Chris Coon, and this week you’ll never believe what Tom Brady’s horoscope was! Aries While in a coffee shop across from an intellectual, you will unwittingly inspire a new wave of a political philosophy that will revolutionize 22nd century geopolitics. That philosophy: Ugly people should…
Wow, talk about an awkward silence. Last night 4th grader Tommy Boyle completely botched his lines for Parson Elementary’s Nativity Play, sending the Internet into a frenzy that is not coming down ANYTIME soon. His homeroom teacher said that he was “trying his hardest,” but it was plainly evident that Tommy did not have the…
Tampa scientists have discovered an alternate quantum reality existing parallel to the world we know, and in that other universe, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers won their last playoff game. “Yea, you know, we saw Spider Man, so in a no-way-home-style series of events, we figured out a way to travel through an alternate world where…
The Tampa Police Department announced today that this year’s Gasparilla invasion will be absolutely free of all crimes. An estimated 418,344 people are expected to descend upon Bayshore Boulevard for a day of debauchery and pillaging. “Our officers are more than prepared to control that,” said Tampa Police Chief Debby Littles. “Thanks to recent advancements…
Yesterday, we reported on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ support of S.B. 148, a bill designed to protect white people’s delicate sensibilities from the threat of Critical Race Theory and the ensuing critical thinking that might result. Today, we’re pretending that he called our office to clarify some of what we reported he said, and we’re…
Tampa Bay, FL—Around 12:30pm EST, Kyle Majorie walked into the break room to microwave fish.“I want it to smell up the place. Let’s people know who’s boss. I am boss.” Mr. Majorie is not the boss. The boss, Mr. John Kelly, was out for the day on very serious business (Déjà vu Showgirls could not…
Last Thursday, a Florida state Senate committee advanced a bill (S.B. 148), which would protect white people from feeling uncomfortable due to being taught or trained about past discrimination in public schools and private businesses. Monday morning, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, who endorses the bill, held a press briefing at the Red Roof Inn by…
To help new wealthy residents get eight hours of sleep, the Tampa Government announced it will shut down its notorious party district at 10 PM every night. “I love the culture of Ybor City,” said Sharron Nellie, pronouncing Ybor as ‘Why-bor’, “The only thing I don’t like is that it’s just so noisy after 10…
Dinosaur World in Plant City has gotten a new attraction, as the corpse of former actress Betty White has been stuffed and prominently featured amongst the dinosaurs at Dinosaur World. “Well it was actually a case of a Storage-Wars-style interaction gone awry, as we were originally betting on an unopened storage unit, however the coffin…