Tampa News Force
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis caught stealing from fruit truck
Presley’s Fruit Truck – Leon County – Tuesday, 5.14.19Governor Ron DeSantis was caught stealing a guava out the back of a fruit truck in West Tallahassee in a bizarre turn of events which has led the governor to attempting to pardon himself. DeSantis was blackout drunk after a fundraising event when he stumbled onto a…
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
Selmon Expressway – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 6.13.19 Transportation providers are bracing for the impact of autonomous cars, but the vehicles themselves are expressing concerns about being on the road with Florida drivers. “I don’t want to leave this garage,” said a Tesla Model S that was charging up in my friends garage. I broke…
Plant City – Hillsborough County – Friday, 6.14.19 Reverend Patrick Boyle of Clermont’s Revival Baptist Church has kind of announced that today’s “Make America Straight Again” rally will be held at Tampa’s Curtis Hixon Park, unless that isn’t true. “We have to keep things on the down low, on account of sodomite protesters who might show…
Mons Venus – Hillsborough County – Friday, 6.14.19 The world famous gentlemen’s club, Mons Venus, has sponsored a NASCAR for an upcoming race. The car will dawn a custom-painted hood featuring the clubs logo, alongside a scantily clad woman on a pole. “It’s just what the sport needs,” said NASCAR development chair, Michael Hogan. “When…
Publix Lakeland Headquarters – Polk County – Thursday 6.13.19 A Publix whistleblower is claiming that the chain is preparing for one of the biggest sandwich giveaways in Florida history. “I’ve been waiting in line for this sandwich so long that I could have bought all the ingredients, gone home and made it myself with some…
West Chase – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 6.13.19 In only 2 weeks, E-scooters have already overtaken love bugs as the most annoying thing happening in Tampa. The recently installed fleets of electric scooters have plagued the city, just as the love bugs did, however the scooters are even more intrusive and rage-inducing. Whereas you can…
Palma Ceia – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 6.13.19 In an alarming discovery out of the Hillsborough Observatory, it appears the ozone layer over Tampa Bay has been completely depleted. The hole in the ozone has been letting in extreme UV rays along with radiation and reduced gravity. Despite its severity, people are focusing on the…
Downtown Tampa – Hillsborough County – Wednesday, 6.12.19 While pretending to listen to a packed room of angry citizens, Hillsborough County leaders announced their plans to make the highway worse for everyone. “We’ve been listening to the community complain about this monstrosity cutting through the middle of our city for many years now,” said Hillsborough…
There are millions of people in the Tampa Bay area, but there’s always room for more! These are the top 5 people we wished lived in Tampa: 5. Dog the Bounty Hunter 4. Lisa Leslie 3. Portia de Rossi 2. Tom Brady 1. The Cast of the Fast and Furious I’m gonna be honest folks.…
USF Human Research Center – Hillsborough County – Tuesday, 6.11.19 A new study conducted by University of South Florida’s award winning sociology department has discovered that conservative white males between the ages 28 to 68, ranked as the best sex partners. “We asked 8,000 women of all ages and ethnicities about their vaginas,” said Sociology…
Amalie Arena – Hillsborough County – Monday, 6.10.19 The WNBA has issued a press release stating there will be an expansion team added to the league, the “Tampa Sluts.” The WNBA claimed, “Regarding the vulgarity of the team name, ‘Sluts,’ we’re taking back the power that word has as on women, and we’re not going…