Tampa News Force
Sleepwalking cop accidentally shoots black kid
Florida Neighborhood – Pinellas County – Wednesday, 7.24.19A sleepwalking cop in Pinellas County accidentally discharged his firearm towards a black child at 6:46 am in front of the boys’ home. Officer Gentle was in a sleepwalking daze, when he came across a young African American boy who was taking out the trash before school. The…
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Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
What some originally thought was a discotek roller rink has actually turned out to be a living, evil, demonic pit full of razor sharp teeth, swallowing and killing anything that interacts with it. Why it was confused as a roller rink is not clear. “It doesn’t look like a roller rink, who said this was…
Professor Brett Powers, an astrophysicist currently teaching at Brown University has published a series of findings which have virtually rendered the universe meaningless, and humanity as, “inconsequential.” The papers follow various people’s daily lives and conduct surveys of their moods and how actions affect their realities and the world around them. After a 3-year study…
Donovan Menendez “Canny” Cancelero, a 45-year-old dog breeder who rose to fame by publicly cancelling people on his Etsy page has been cancelled himself after word got out that he’s a necrophiliac of animals. “Donovan cancelled me for leaving an 8% tip on my Steak-N-Shake meal, so to get back at him I did a…
Kenneth Childress of South Bend, Indiana, ruined his family’s Thanksgiving while visiting them in Tampa by sharing his extremely tolerant and socially aware opinions during the traditional holiday meal. “Uncle Kenneth is always a handful. He just can’t help himself,” said Carl Childress, who works hard all year to keep a roof over this family’s…
Dave Quipler, a 26-year-old man from Clearwater, struggles every year during Thanksgiving due to how he expresses himself. “It all started when I was a toddler,” he says. “For some reason, I don’t even know myself, I just said ‘Happy Assholes’ instead of ‘Happy Thanksgiving’. No real reason; just one of those dumb things little…
Ted Henderson, a student majoring in Economics at Eckerd College in St. Petersburg was recently thrown off track by something that came up in one of his classes and he has not been able to resolve it or move on from it. “I just don’t know what to think,” he said. “This changes everything.” The…
Following a series of mishaps with tickets being made available for Taylor Swift’s upcoming world tour, which resulted in the general public on-sale being cancelled and fans being extremely dissatisfied, Live Nation Entertainment has totally restructured the entire production and tour schedule. “Our customers have spoken out and we have heard them,” said Greg Maffei,…
Robert “Bob” Smidsworth, owner and manager of Scuttler’s Seafood & Good Times Crabateria in St. Peterburg has announced that from now on, all the entrees on their menu will be listed as ‘flea market price.’ “Listing items at ‘market price’ is a fairly common practice at seafood restaurants,” he said. “It means the price of…
Terry Galway, Evan Mephisto, Kreeger Brunswick, and Terry Galway Jr. have solved racism after talking about it for a little while in the clubhouse of Alabaster Pass Golf Club in Pasadena, Wisconsin. “If everyone just dates interracially, then within 1 generation, every child will be mixed.” Said Galway Jr. confidently, with one hand on the…
The TPD have welcomed a new cum sniffing dog named Clyde to the force, who is the first of a new breed of a dog specifically raised to smell cum. “Sex criminals leave semen and usually it’s hard to find, but now not only can dogs sniff it out, but they can identify who’s semen…